


Highly Spirited

by K8BNimble



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-28
Updated: 2010-10-28
Packaged: 2017-10-12 20:52:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/128965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K8BNimble/pseuds/K8BNimble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Albus Dumbledore will do anything to save his ancestral home, Castle Hogwarts.   This Halloween that means inventing ghosts to open a Haunted Inn for tourists.  That doesn't sit well with the real ghosts as unhappily married couple, Harry and Draco, and the rest of the guests find out. A Snarry version of the movie <i>"High Spirits"</i>. AU, M/M (not graphic), rampant drinking, <b>character death - but even the ghosties live happily ever after!</b>  Romantic Comedy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 – Apparitions, Spooks, and Ghosts

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Highly Spirited  
>  **Author:** K8BNimble  
>  **Pairing:** Primarily Snarry - HP/DM, HP/SS, SS/TR, TR/DM, Ginny/Neville, Bill/Fleur  
>  **Word Count:** Approx 31,000  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Summary:** Albus Dumbledore will do anything to save his ancestral home, Castle Hogwarts. This Halloween that means inventing ghosts to open a Haunted Inn for tourists. That doesn't sit well with the real ghosts as unhappily married couple, Harry and Draco, and the rest of the guests find out. A Snarry version of the movie _"High Spirits"_.   
> **Warning(s):** AU, Character Death (not in a bad way – even the ghosties live happily ever after), Language, M/M relationships, a little OOC for a few characters and rampant drinking.   
> **Genre:** Romantic Comedy   
> **Beta:** Eeyore9990 - *smooches* Any mistakes remaining are mine and mine alone!! I'm kind of greedy that way.  
>  **Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter nor the movie _"High Spirits"_. I also do not make any cashey money from this. I also do not own poetry by Ben Jonson, or lyrics from the Big Bopper or Michael Jackson. It's all for fun. And just in time for Halloween!
> 
>  **A/N:** Definitely AU – Hogwarts is in Ireland not Scotland and is no longer a school. Snape lived at the same time as Tom Riddle. As such – pretty much nothing is the same…
> 
> This mostly does not belong to me. Ninety percent of the characters belong to JK Rowling but eighty percent of their actions and dialogue belong to Neil Jordan and the movie _"High Spirits"_. I just thought it was the perfect movie to "Snarry-ize". Rent it or buy it if you've never seen the movie, then somebody will make money on it. It won't be me, but I then again I don't deserve to.

**Highly Spirited**

 _ Chapter 1 – Apparitions, Spooks, and Ghosts _

The castle sat, as most gloomy castles in the UK do, on top of a craggy, desolate hill overlooking a thick forest and icy lake. And, of course, it was raining. The grey stone walls of the castle dampened with the chilling precipitation did nothing to warm the hearts of those inside. A few people wandered around attempting to do chores, but were really more interested in the fire-call the current owner was having. Three people crowded around the hearth in the Great Hall catching bits and pieces. The fire-call system was, like most everything else, a little leaky in the run-down place, and it was easy enough to eavesdrop on other people's conversations, although no one had yet mentioned that to Albus, the current owner of Hogwarts and last descendent of the Dumbledore line. He was, to most people, slightly dotty. He wore his white beard long, almost as long as his hair, and tended to dress in what looked to be traditional wizarding robes that somehow got thrown into the wash with a pot of Skittles® candies. Considering his penchant for sweets, that was an entirely likely scenario.

Albus sat in his office, a large tumbler of Firewhisky in his hand as he leaned his head into the fireplace. If he had been slightly more sober, he might have realized that holding alcohol that close to an open flame was probably not a great idea. He was, however, more concerned about getting rid of the nuisance on the other end of the call and having another glass of Firewhisky. Fortunately his pet phoenix, Fawkes, watched carefully for him, in case of fire. Fawkes could only cry so much and if his master went up in a ball of flame, not even repeated viewings of "Terms of Endearment" could bring forth enough healing tears. Albus never knew of his phoenix's habit of watching old tearjerkers just to keep up with the demands of his rarely sober master.

Albus tried to take control of the conversation. "I assumed you fire-called in regards to the mortgage payment on Castle Hogwarts? Unfortunately, it's still delayed by what seems to be our endless owl post strike." He paused while the party at the other end began speaking very loudly.

After a few moments, he was able to get a word in, "Dear sir, I must once again remind you that my first name isn't "Dick" and my last name isn't "Head". It's Albus. Albus Dumbledore." The caller ignored him and kept talking.

Again Albus interrupted, "No, I am pretty sure my middle name is not 'low-life ass wiping berk'. Nevertheless, I marvel at your colorfully creative butchering of the English language." While Albus hated how the Americans hacked his mother tongue, he was even more appalled when one of their own gentry adapted to American English and its colloquialisms. It was a travesty of epic proportions. Mr. Malfoy had apparently spent far too much time in the Americas. Not surprising though since that's where the best of wizarding society lived now. Wizarding UK had fallen into disarray quickly after the terrible tragedy that happened fifty years prior that forced Hogwarts to close as a school and revert back to private ownership and, more specifically, to the Dumbledore family.

Albus hurried to reassure Malfoy, "The hotel is in fine condition. The renovations are proceeding as…" he paused as he heard the other man interrupt him, "What, what? Why shouldn't I bother?' he asked loudly.

Suddenly, a woman's voice stridently intruded on the call, "Albus? To whom are you speaking?"

"Oh, Mother. Will you please get out of the Floo?" Albus pleaded, hoping his interfering, nebbish mother would not get involved.

He returned to the lagging conversation with Mr. Malfoy as the man had droned on with that annoyingly haughty lilt. "Turn the castle into a theme park? _'Irish World?'_ I see, what an interesting notion." Albus' voice radiated sarcasm. "In Orland _o_? What is _Or-Lan-Do?"_ accentuating each syllable remarkably clearly. A moment passed as he listened to the response. "I see. You want to move the castle to Orlando which I am to presume is on a disgustingly sunny and humid corner of those United States." Albus leaned away from the Floo, took a quick slug of his whisky, and not finding any enthusiasm there, went back to the call.

"Mr. Malfoy, if I cannot get your payment to you, how on earth do you expect to transport an entire castle across the seas? The number of stamps alone is mindboggling!" Albus dug very deep into his soul, or, at least, into his whiskey-soaked brain for some semblance of sincerity. "I can assure you, Mr. Malfoy, if it goes on much longer, I will take the cheque I am holding in my hand," he said as he looked back at the half empty glass currently occupying said hand, "and personally ferry it across the water to England and, from there, carry it to those Un-I-Ted States myself. That's how much I care."

Mrs. Dumbledore, still listening in from the Floo in her room, poked her head in, "What owl strike?" she asked very loudly.

"Shut up, Mother!" Albus panicked momentarily and then backed his head out of the Floo a little as Malfoy began a new rant. In a moment he leaned back in. "I don't think that kind of language is necessary, Mr. Malfoy." He paused as he listened to the voice get louder. "Understandable. So what you are saying is that if I don't come up with the money in a month, you will foreclose and take over Castle Hogwarts. I see."

Albus hung his head dejectedly for a moment. "Have you ever heard of _'the quality of mercy'_ , Mr. Malfoy? No? You should catch up on your Shakespeare. Good day, sir." Albus pulled out quickly and disconnected the Floo. Shoulders slumped, he sat quietly for a few moments.

Slowly, Albus stood up. He sat his glass down on his desk then proceeded to stack a bunch of large books on the floor. After stacking _"Hogwarts: A History"_ on the top, he took a long piece of rope and flung it over some old piping on the ceiling. He stepped onto the large tome on top of the stack and looked at the noose he was about to put around his neck.

Just then his mother walked into the room, "Ah, there you are." She noticed him standing on the books with the rope in his hands. He jumped a bit, startled at her intrusion. As he teetered on the now wobbling stack, she glared at him with hands firmly rooted to her hips in apparent disgust.

"Oh! Taking the easy way out, you naughty boy!" Her strident voice belied her fragile appearance. It was evident she had been a very attractive woman in her youth. She still held herself with the confidence of someone who had never had reason to doubt her abilities or her looks.

He finished looping the noose over his head and looked at her grimly. "Mother, please! This is not easy. This is very, very difficult!" He continued adjusting the rope as the elderly woman paced the room.

"Just because you don't have a single guest in the hotel and you're in a tight spot with Mr. Malfoy – ooh…" She didn't finish the sentence. She tried another tactic. "Your father is so worried, he's pulling his hair out." She crossed her arms over her chest.

Albus, standing on his books with a solid braided loop decorated his neck, raised an eyebrow at his mother. She was only slightly more white-haired and wrinkled than he was. They had the same blue eyes, even if hers twinkled slightly more than his did these days. Albus had aged prematurely given his love for booze and his abhorrence for anything remotely considered health food. Lemon Drops were the closest thing to fresh fruit he ate. The stress of running a decaying old building like Hogwarts didn't add to his appearance either.

"Mother, Father had been dead for a decade," he stated calmly as if his mother somehow had missed this occurrence.

She continued as if ignoring his remarks, "And what about your grandmother? How do you think she feels?" She began tapping her foot impatiently.

"Mother, Grandmother is dead, too," Albus deadpanned.

"She's _still_ upset!" his mother cried. She threw her arms in the air and then flopped down into the threadbare walnut Queen-Anne chair which had so recently been occupied by Albus.

Rolling his eyes upward, Albus took a deep breath and tried to placate his mother. He faced the ceiling and announced, "Oh all right. I apologize most profoundly to the ghosts of my ancestors for making a mess of their ancestral home." He leaned down and handed the end of the rope to his mother. "Here, hold this."

"I'm not going to help you," she answered firmly and let the thick rope drop to the floor.

Albus stared at her for a moment. He suddenly got a calculating look in his eyes. "Mother..ermm, how many ghosts _are_ there in the castle?"

She thought for a moment. "Well, there's Great Aunty Nan and Uncle Toby. And there's that nice Moaning Myrtle that died in the toilet. She's quite the 'Chatty Cathy'. Can hardly get a word in edgewise. Oh, and the nun that was walled into a closet. You know I think the Fat Friar did her in," she said, conspiratorially. She pursed her lips in thought before she continued. "There's The Bloody Baron, Sir Nicholas…who am I forgetting? Oh yes, Oliver Faust. You remember, he never left the library. He likes to shriek at people who open his favorite books."

"Mother…what a wonderful idea," Albus smiled broadly, as if his mother had just invented flying broomsticks.

"What darling?"

He whispered, "Ghosts…" He stepped off his pile of books and, wide-eyed, looked around the office.

"Ghosts?" She looked quizzically at him.

Nodding, he confirmed, "Ghosts. Wonderful tourist attraction – ghosts," Albus said thoughtfully.

"MINERVA!" He screamed and suddenly ran out the office door at which his five employees had been eavesdropping. He barely noticed them in his excitement. He raced by them yelling, "Meeting with the staff. Take this down!"

He then looked back at the group, pointing meaningfully back at a thin, tall woman with her dulling black hair pinned up and her normally stern expression changed into one of alarm. "Well?" Albus asked with a raised brow.

"Ooh, oh sorry, Albus". Minerva McGonagall grabbed a small pad of parchment and a quill from the pocket of her long black jacket.

Albus then made the following announcement in a voice fit for a late-night infomercial:

 **"Castle Hogwarts is a superbly restored castle in the heart of the beautiful Irish countryside! It's known to be the most haunted place in the Emerald Isle."**

He began to practically run through the long corridors and down the stairs towards the Great Hall. His employees struggled to keep up. Minerva frantically tried to get everything onto parchment as she hustled along behind him. **"The dead outnumber the living. This castle contains more ghosties, ghoulies, long leggity beasties and things that go bump in the night! Magical creatures fill the surrounding landscapes, hoping an unfortunate passerby will get lost in the never-ending fog on the moors."** His enthusiasm had finally emerged from its drunken stupor.

Suddenly, Albus turned and ran up one of the moving staircases towards a guest room. Four of the associates managed to get onto the stairs easily, but Poppy Pomfrey, the resident maid, had to take a pretty hard leap to make the last step and almost missed it. Hagrid, the enormous groundskeeper, was able to catch the back of her shirt and haul her up. Albus never noticed. **"There is no place in this revolving, revolting, maggot-spinning earth more haunted. We can promise you banshees, poltergeists and ghouls of all descriptions."** He opened the door to an unused musty guestroom and jumped onto a moldy bed. A sizable amount of dust billowed into the air.

 **"What we can't promise you is a good night's sleep!"** He took a deep breath as he finished his pronouncement and flopped back against pillow and closed his eyes in satisfaction.

"But there are **no** bloody ghosts here!" Minerva exclaimed standing next to the bed, waving her hand to get the dust out of her face. A small man beside them sneezed.

Albus looked up at her and smiled, the old familiar twinkle back in his blue eyes. He reached into his pocket, pulled a lemon drop out, promptly unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. He then tucked his hands behind his head and said, "I know. There will be." He paused for a moment then finished decidedly, "We'll invent them." He grinned sappily, quite happy with himself.


	2. Off to Castle Hogwarts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Summary:** Chapter 2: Off to Castle Hogwarts -----The guests arrive.   
> **Warning(s):** See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don't own anything.

_Chapter 2: Off to Castle Hogwarts_

Down in the Great Hall, everyone was busily attacking their chores. The last few week had seen a flurry of cleaning where appropriate, such as bathrooms and guestrooms, and actually creating messes where appropriate, like adding cobwebs to newly tarnished suits of armor. Albus had been busy getting the word out to potential guests. It was so easy these days to dupe would be _'Paranormal Tourists'_ to want to check out anything remotely labeled _"Haunted."_

The staff was unhappy that some of these chores had to be done the muggle way, but real magic had been been wonky at Castle Hogwarts for the last fifty years. They tried, but often an "Alohamora" became an "Accio" and the door you were trying to unlock came flying at you instead. The group attempted magic, but realized quickly that they couldn't depend on it to create the atmosphere that they wanted. And certainly they didn't want to try it again after a "Caterwauling Charm" aimed at a mounted bicorn head didn't make it howl eerily as intended but instead made it sing the _"Macarena"_ for ten hours straight.

Albus sat near the bar in the Great Hall where a new telephone had been installed. He was trying to be somewhat accommodating to the younger wizards and witches who had adopted many of the newer Muggle technologies. He hoped it wouldn't conflict too much with the inherent magic in the place. He wanted to try it as he'd had his hair singed a few times since the Floo didn't always work properly. He didn't think that would be good for business if his guests' heads caught fire. It had been quite the risk earlier speaking with Mr. Malfoy. No one dare attempted the Floo for actual travel. It would be worse than spliching oneself.

He listened to the person on the other end and put on his most charming voice. "Yes, Mr. Weasley, the accommodations are strictly modern in so far as the renovations have been consistent with maintaining the classic ambience of Castle Hogwarts."

A headless, rusty suit of armor was staggering clumsily past the bar, but Albus continued speaking, ignoring the clanking noise. "Dry rot, selected damp, some fungus here and there, ghosts galore. Yes, these things do exist. Thank you," he said and hung up the receiver. He looked across the room and saw that the rest of his staff were absorbed in something his maintenance man, Argus Filch was demonstrating.

\---

On the other side of the room, Argus stood upon a makeshift stage presenting the special effects and sets he had created for entertaining the guests. The stage's backdrop was a poor rendition of a dungeon, as if he had let the doxies paint it. Filius seemed amused by the man's enthusiasm. The man hadn't been so excited since Mrs. Norris, his pet,had finally managed to catch a rat – terrible huntress that she was.

"Illuuu-sion," Argus explained to the bemused audience. His balding head glared in the spotlight. "Like you, Minerva, hanging high on a wire as a flying banSHEE," he over-exaggerated the last syllable, emphasizing the point, "would be MAGNIFICENT." His mumbling made the shots of whiskey he'd consumed not long before only _slightly_ obvious.

Minerva looked less than thrilled at the concept. Poppy Pomfrey, a woman about a decade younger than Minerva, began snickering, until Argus described his idea for her. "And you, Poppy, you could be a mermaid – or Lady Godiva." The last suggestions brought leering and cheers from Hagrid and Filius Filius, a very short man still wearing a rusted headless suit of armor. He was looking out of eyeholes cut into the chest. Albus chuckled at the scene and thought , _'We really need to get some fresh blood on the staff.'_

\---

A few hours later, the group found themselves outside watching Argus at the top of the tower. There was a fake body lying in front of them. They all jumped when a silver metallic sheet crashed down and cut the poor body's head off.

"Anybody dead down there?" Argus looked down at the group as he yelled.

"Only the corpse, Argus," answered Filius.

Hagrid squinted up at Argus. "What in the ruttin' hell are you doin' up there?"

Argus looked smugly at them and crossed his arms. "Genius, poor genius."  
\---

 _Later_

Minerva was swinging helplessly from a rope about three stories up after Argus had pushed her off the tower as they rehearsed her "Banshee" routine. The wig and make-up came from Mrs. Dumbledore's old costume trunks. The screaming came naturally.

\---

"Put the bloody hand on the front," Albus instructed Hagrid another hour later. "And the bloody feet at the back." Albus watched as the groundskeeper put the final touches on the new "Castle Hogwarts" closed-top carriage which would be used to transport their guests from Hogsmeade. Since Floo travel was too risky and apparition wasn't possible on the grounds, he wanted to be sure the guests enjoyed some excitement on their ride from their arrival point at the Floo Station in the nearby village of Hogsmeade.

The carriage was a gaudy, white atrocity covered in puffapods that randomly dropped seeds which burst into obnoxiously pink flowers. Still, they were better than the Fanged Geraniums that Hagrid had first put on it. Three people had been bitten before Hagrid realized that maybe covering their transport vehicle with vicious plants that had sharp teeth wasn't a good idea.

\---

Over the ocean, a large jet was crossing from New York to the UK. Harry Potter was in his seat holding two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He eyed the glasses closely as he poured, trying not to be his usual clumsy self. A beautifully handsome blonde man sat next to him, slowly lifting the eye pillow off his face.

"Harry, what are you doing?" the aristocratic voice asked sleepily.

"A little champagne toast to us. To Ireland… homeland to your Mother and the Loch Ness Monster."

Draco eyed him with distain. "The Loch Ness is Scotland, Harry."

Harry looked sheepishly through his long black lashes and rectangular, silver glasses. He colored a bit. "I knew that." He nervously fumbled with the champagne flutes, then lost control of them.

"Oh, ah!" Draco shot up as the cold liquid spilled in his lap. "Oh, Merlin's Saggy Left Nut! Harry, I've just taken a dose of _'Tension Ease'_ and now you've completely ruined that." Harry had leapt up from his seat to try to dry his husband off, and attempted to ignore the other people now watching them.

Draco stopped Harry and dried himself as he muttered complaints about his spouse. Then he said in a disgusted tone, more loudly than Harry liked, "Next thing you know you'll want to have sex." Draco turned in his seat and pulled his eye pillow back onto his face to go back to sleep.

Harry flushed in embarrassment. He looked at the other passengers who were trying not to snigger. He quietly slipped over to another seat across the aisle. An old woman was sitting alone, reading a book and listening to something on her iPod. Harry sat next to her and tapped her shoulder. He offered her the extra champagne glass. She looked up with an irritated glance at being disturbed and shook her head. She turned back to her book. Harry shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose sex is out the question too," he muttered. She didn't hear him. He sighed and guzzled both glasses. At least they'd be able to Floo the rest of the way once they landed.

\---

During the final dress rehearsal, Poppy rode out on her thestral to position herself as Lady Godiva. She wore a nude colored body stocking to give the appearance of recreating the famous ride. As she rode past a tree, Minerva leaned down and grabbed her long, blond wig off her head. Pomfrey mockingly glared at her.

"I think I should be the tart on the horse and you should be the hag in the tree." Minerva grinned at the younger woman.

Poppy laughed, "And I think I should go home. Now, give me my hair back." They were both in remarkably good spirits considering how ridiculous they felt.

\---

 _The Next Morning_

The carriage left to pick up their first round of guests, and Albus happily waved them off yelling, "Bon Voyage!" as they pulled away. He eagerly awaited the Galleons that would save the family homestead.

\---

"On the left we have the Forbidden Forest," Hagrid recited to the group of travelers aboard. He had been giving a litany of pseudo paranormal facts throughout the trip, each less plausible and more outrageous.

"It's the home of more grizzly and gruesome murders than anywhere else. It's filled with all kinds of creatures – giant spiders, blood-sucking bugbears, and flesh-eating slugs." Passengers were looking out the window taking in the scenery. There were ten guests on the carriage.

"Up ahead, just past the castle, is the Black Lake, home of the giant squid," Hagrid informed them in his most ominous voice.

"I heard Hogsmeade and the Castle have a dark history. Is that true?" a young woman with blond hair asked in almost a hushed whisper. She was slightly built and quite pale.

"Oh, yeah…One of the original founders, Salazar Slytherin, liked to murder Mugglefolk in the most gruesome of ways. The other founders, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, and Rowena Ravenclaw weren't much better. The four battled each other trying to reign supreme."

Hagrid kept up his litany of crimes committed by the Founders and the wizards that followed them. Not that any of it was true. "And the raping and pillaging..." he was saying as he finished a particularly gruesome, if albeit exaggerated, story about a wizard named Grindelwald.

"Ah, we have children on board," interrupted a tall, red-haired man, seemingly appalled at the quickly deteriorating conversation.

Hagrid hesitated a second but then continued on even if he seemed to adjust the content a bit. He reminded them that the dark history of the location was the reason magic didn't work as expected and why they had to sign release forms, "indemn..indeli…indure…making Hogwarts not responsible for any injuries sustained while performing magic on the grounds."

As they approached Castle Hogwarts, Hagrid began to speak of the "Infamous Wailing Whomping Willow" and the howling Banshee that lived in it.

From a distance, Argus yelled at Minerva to start "howling and waving" which she did and proceeded to lose her balance and fell out of the tree and on top of the carriage.

A loud thunk was heard inside the carriage and all the passengers began to look around in a panic. They could hear a woman yelling for help, but the carriage wasn't slowing. A young, dark-hair man dressed in priest's robes began pleading for the driver to stop.

Harry jumped up and opened what seemed to be a sunroof in the carriage. Minerva was laying face down, screaming at Harry as he reached up to try to help her.

"Hey, there's a lady on the luggage rack!!" Harry yelled at Hagrid.

"I'm no lady. I'm the Banshee!" Minerva was yelling into Harry's face, trying very hard to look convincingly like a Banshee and not some crazy old woman wearing ugly make-up.

"There's a Banshee on the luggage rack," Harry corrected himself at full yell.

"And the Banshee's howling..." Hagrid continued his narrative. "And coming in front of us, riding naked on her unicorn is Lady Godiva."

At that point Poppy had started out on her thestral, outfitted with a plastic horn strapped to its head, but quickly lost control as it was spooked by the other thestrals drawing the carriage. Hagrid swerved to avoid her. The carriage ran right through the awning, by the stunned owner and staff, and went straight down towards the lake. It came to a dead stop on a pier.

A loud groan and creak was heard from underneath.

The pier broke apart and the carriage fell into the water in a large splash. Fortunately the water at that location was only about four and a half feet deep.

Minerva, having grabbed onto the awning as the carriage sped underneath, was hanging off of it. Her feet were swinging in Albus' face as he came around to see where the carriage had gone.

"The things I do for you, Albus!" Minerva shook her head a little at him while still trying to hang on.

He reached up and grabbed her foot fondly. "Deeply appreciated." He shook his head slowly as he watched the carriage go under. "Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…"

 

As the passengers struggled through the water, Draco began having hysterics. "I'm drowning, I'm drowning!" He jumped on Harry's back as Harry tried to calm him with a "Don't panic."

"Don't panic? What do you mean don't panic?" Draco yelled, pushing Harry into the water on his way out the door. The bespeckled man came up sputtering water glaring at the figure of his blond husband leaving him behind. ..

Hagrid had quickly exited to rescue the thestrals, leaving the passengers to fend for themselves.


	3. Getting Settled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Summary:** Chapter 3: Getting Settled----------Dinner is served.   
> **Warnings:** See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don't own anything.

_ Chapter 3 – Getting Settled _

The soggy guests dripped their way into the Great Hall. Some of them glared at Hagrid, some looked around at the bleak surroundings. It seemed remarkably small and dank for the room to be called "The Great Hall". Other than the hearth which had a roaring fire, the room had a cold aura about it. The furniture was an odd mix of fine, expensive old furniture left to rot and newer, and much cheaper, pieces that clashed with their environment.

"Jesus Christ!" Draco thrust his overnight bag into Harry's stomach. "This place is a dump. Azkaban would have been nicer." The image of the old wizarding prison flitted through everyone's minds and collectively they shivered.

Albus and Minerva came down the great staircase that led from Albus' office to the Great Hall. "Best foot forward, my dear," he reminded her softly, before the guests noticed them.

Albus opened his arms wide in salutation, "Welcome to Castle Hogwarts!" and scurried to greet his guests as if nothing was amiss. "You are most heartily welcomed."

As he reached the group, he slowed down to survey them. "Ladies, gentlemen, children, you appear to be a trifle moist. May I?" He reached out to the red-headed man who was standing near a fetching young lady and three children. He assumed this to be Bill Weasley, to whom he had spoken on the phone and his family. He grabbed Bill's suitcase to take it for him when it opened and its contents spilled to the floor along with several liters of water.

There was a long pause, "Ah, well…yes," Albus commented as everyone else stared at the mess.

\---  
After the guests had been shown to their rooms, they regrouped for dinner in a small formal dining room off the Great Hall. The room was suffused in browns, reds and yellows. It was in better condition than the Great Hall. A fire in the sizable stone hearth next to the table lit the room in flickering orange and yellow shadows.

Albus entered the room decked out in what seemed to be formal wizarding robes except that they were a shockingly bright fluorescent yellow with kneazles frolicking among a field of daisies. Harry couldn't look too closely as it gave him vertigo. He heard Draco beside him let out a huff of disgust at the wardrobe.

"Good evening, young ladies and gentleman," Albus said, nodding to Bill and Fleur's children. He nodded at Harry and Draco. "Mr. and Mr. Potter." Same sex-marriages were legal in both America and Ireland, but still not common and usually politely ignored by the general populace. Albus greeted the other guests one by one. "Let me take a moment to remind you that on occasion, some of the staircases move, so do be careful in your wanderings."

Bill pointed to a printed menu sitting in a placard on the table. "Mr. Dumbledore. What is this ' _Whiting en glacé?_ '"

Albus nodded and explained, "That would be a lovely Whiting with bread crumbs."

"And zhe um.. _Whiting Ambiture_?" asked Fleur, with her lilting French.

"Boiled Whiting."

"So what's the _Whiting Vapor-Stuffed_ ," asked the oldest of the children, a girl named Victoire.

"That, my dear young one, would be steamed Whiting."

"And what is this?" Bill sniffed at the liquid in a large silver goblet. "Whiting Bordeaux?"

"HAHAHAHA – very witty, Mr. Weasley." Albus graciously acknowledged.

Louis, their son, looked up at his parents. "Okay, Mom and Dad. You got us here, now where are these ghosts?"

The other girl chimed in, "Yeah, I want to see one now."

"Kids!" Bill snapped. "I'm afraid there are no ghosts here," he stated firmly while looking at Albus.

"Oh, a cynic, Mr. Weasley?" Albus responded, stroking his beard.

"No, a parapsychologist, Mr. Dumbledore. Duke University." Albus looked startled at this revelation and even Minerva looked up.

"A para...what?" she asked.

"A parapsychologist. He's an expert on ghosts," Albus answered. He followed with, "Get the parapsychologist a drink, Minerva." Albus promptly left the room to get the dinner staff.

"So, you're a parapsychologist?" asked a middle aged woman with wild, tangled hair and enormous glasses that magnified her eyes so she resembled a fly. "I'm afraid you'll be disappointed here. There are no ghosts in this castle. Not even a whisper,"she said, quite confidently.

"And who are you, may I ask?" Bill responded.

"Perhaps you don't recognize me in real life. I'm Miss Sybill Trelawney." The woman smiled as if she expected everyone to know exactly who she was.

A young red-headed woman with a remarkable resemblance to Bill dropped the spoon she had been playing with. "Really? You're the TV psychic? I've watched you loads of times. I even called you once. My name is Ginny Weasley. You probably don't remember." Bill snorted derisively. That statement and his response confirmed to the group that she was related to the parapsychologist.

"Ah, my dear. I'm sorry. I have so many clients I don't remember each of them off-hand but how wonderful it is to meet you in person," the woman replied as she took a sip of water, ignoring Bill's reaction.

Ginny deflated a bit. "Well, I quit my job like you suggested but the new opportunity didn't go exactly as you said it would. I ended up losing my apartment."

"Perhaps, you weren't listening clearly. Everything happens in its own time," she said, condescendingly.

"So long as it's $9.95 a minute," Draco whispered into Harry's ear. "What a crock." Harry snickered at his comment.

The young blonde sitting next to the psychic looked at Draco and Harry oddly. Her blue eyes seemed pale and watery in the dim light. "You're full of nargles," she said airly. "I mean, your relationship is filled with nargles."

"Who the hell are you?" Draco snapped.

"Luna, what have I told you about conversing with clients," Trelawney chided her.

"They aren't our clients though. I just thought they should know," she said in a nonchalant voice.

"Nonsense. Their auras are perfectly clear. I'm sure they'll be happy for many years." She squinted closer at Harry and then added. "Although, my dear, you should avoid any large black dogs. You could be seriously injured. I see the shadow of a grim hanging over your head." She squinted. "Or a large black bat."

Just then the kitchen doors sprang open, and the staff came through with dishes.

Filius was still jumping up to throw herbs and spices into a dish carried in by Argus. "Whiting Bisque, Madame?" Argus asked Ginny who was sitting at the head of the table. The tip of Argus's long greasy hair was dipping in and out of the tureen of soup he carried.

"Please," she answered. A gray soupy mess was ladled into her bowl. The aroma could only be described as "fishy".

He moved to the man next to her. "And, for you, Father, the Whiting Bisque?" The dark-haired and dark suited man nodded.

Ginny looked at the priest with a little smirk. "So, I was seeing this guy that was a devil worshipper, right, well he's a hairdresser really, but he devil-worshipped on the side. So we booked this tour 'cause you know he likes ghost, corpses, dead gerbils, that kind of thing, and my brother was coming here so we thought it would be nice."

She paused and watched the man for a moment before continuing. "Anyways, he ran off with this Buddhist monk named Sanzo or something. I mean how was I supposed to know he was gay?" She winked at Draco and Harry. They politely ignored her. She leaned back smugly, waiting for a reaction. When she didn't get one she added, "So what about you, are you gay, too?"

Nervously, the young man stuttered, "No...no, I'm not. I'm, I'm chaste." He sheepishly looked at Harry and Draco, too.

"Just kidding. Trick question." She smiled warmly at him. "So, what are you doing here?"

He sat his silverware down and said thoughtfully, "I thought I'd take a vacation here and relax before I take my final vows – a sort of spiritual retreat."

She nodded, "I've sort of taken a vow myself. I've sworn off men." Bill had a sudden coughing fit. She glared at her brother and returned her calculating gaze to her other neighbor. "So, you're not a priest, yet?"

"No, not yet," he confirmed.

She nodded knowingly. "Well…here's to keeping our vows, Brother…what is your name?

"Brother Neville Longbottom," he stammered out, a bright red flushing his pale and doughy cheeks.

She lifted a glass to him. "Well, Brother Neville, to us, then."

\---

As dinner proceeded, Harry became distracted by a portrait by the fireplace of a severe looking man with long black hair, dark, intense eyes, and a really hooked nose. All in all, he not a handsome man and yet there was something strangely compelling about him.

When he realized that the owner was standing behind him, he decided to learn more about the stern man in the portrait.

"Mr. Dumbledore, who is that?" he asked.

"Please call me Albus." The host said. "And that is Severus Snape – my great, great grand cousin." he spoke softly and remarkably seriously. "He died right here in Castle Hogwarts about fifty years ago."

"He couldn't take the Whiting either?" Draco remarked snidely.

"Levity is out of place, sir," Albus chided. "Severus was murdered on his wedding night by the hand of his newly-wedded husband, Thomas Riddle, though we don't usually speak his name anymore. We all refer to him as _'You Know Who.'"_

"That's just silly," Luna spoke up. "Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing," she said.

"Well said, my dear," Trelawney spoke up.

She tilted her head as if listening to something in the distance and then stated, "And, Tom Riddle should be pitied. His head was probably filled with wrackspurts. I can still see them all around." Everyone stared at her. She didn't seem to notice. Instead, she said to the room at large, "I hope there's pudding."


	4. Supernatural Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Summary:** Chapter 4: Supernatural Shenanigans----------- Let the Hauntings Begin!   
> **Warning(s):** See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don't own anything.

_ Chapter 4 – Supernatural Shenanigans _

Once shown to their room, Bill and Fleur quickly settled in. Bill pulled out his scientific equipment and began making detailed notes and observations about the potential of Hogwarts experiencing supernatural phenomenon. He pulled out his quick-note quill and began dictating. "It's hard to get a CR reading while there are no significant observed deviations to be measured. I'm afraid this is going to be the most typical of scams," he began.

As Bill droned on in the background with his tedious scientific observations, Fleur managed to unpack and began to get ready for bed. After a few minutes she had totally tuned her obsessive husband out. She glanced around the room, trying to figure out where to put the hosiery she had just removed. "Not even a dress hangare," she snorted with disgust in her thick French accent. She eyed a six foot suit of ugly armor decorating the room and hung the garment over its arm for lack of a better place.

She moved over to the bed, searching for her nightclothes which she thought she had already taken out of the suitcase. Not seeing them, she thought she must not have taken it out, but she couldn't seem to find them. "Beel, do you have zhe night-gown you bought for me last month?" She heard movement behind her but was struggling to remove her bra. "Honey?" Just then a silky nightgown appeared from behind her. "Merci, darling." As she finally struggled to remove her bra, she handed it behind her. "Oh, and take this would you?" The bra disappeared from her hand, and she never realized that her husband's voice had continued making his observations from across the room, oblivious to all those around him, including a rather surprisingly silent and mobile suit of armor now currently holding a bra.

\---

In a similar stony, cold and damp room down the hall, Ginny had gotten dressed for bed in a beautiful white silk robe decorated with pastel painted roses. She was dozily drifting into sleep as she read the latest Quidditch magazine. Just because she loved sports was no reason to assume she didn't also like her feminine frillies! As she relaxed, she was pleased with her bed. It was somewhat nicer than she had expected, given the state of the rest of the room. It had four high, ornately carved, walnut posts and was draped with red velvet curtains and a white canopy overhead matching the blankets she rested upon. The mattress was surprisingly plush. She started dozing and began a dream where she had a Firebolt 2000 that was cursed to continually veer to the right. No matter how she tried to straighten the broom out, it flew her slowly in clockwise circles.

A slight noise jarred her, and as she looked around, she became disoriented. She had thought she had lain down with her head towards the door, but now she was facing a small sink and mirror that was to the far right of the door. She started a bit as she saw her own reflection. Understanding seemed to creep in and she sat up.

"Oh my god," she whispered to herself. "Major Floo lag." She began to lay back down when the bed itself started spinning slowly around to the right. She shot up into kneeling position, trying not to panic.

"Um, excuse me?" she called nervously around the room. "Uh, I don't… I don't believe in ghosts." She almost believed herself. The bed continued to spin. "Oh wait…wait, wait, wait, wait..." She tried to get her thoughts together. The bed kept spinning but it started increasing in speed. She straightened up higher. "You can stop this now because you know I'm really not that scared," she announced to the ghost she didn't believe in.

\---

Brother Neville sat in his room by the window, reading passages from _"Revelations"_. The landscape outside was dark and chilly looking as frost seeped in around the frame. Neville thought it was a good place to cool his heated thoughts. He had been a little too aware of his beautiful dinner companion that evening.

He tried to concentrate on his reading but kept seeing shadows out of his peripheral vision. Every time he glanced out the window, though, there was nothing to be seen. He also thought he heard a high-pitched cry but dismissed it as wild animals that were far away in the Forbidden Forest. Perhaps one of the creatures Hagrid had described earlier.

Neville was determined to keep concentrating even after he heard the sound come closer. He was sure he must have misunderstood the cry. He was sure n creature would yell "Bastard" to a complete stranger.

 

Minerva was cold and tired and feeling a bit foolish swinging on the wire. That stupid pre-priest wouldn't look up from his mouldy old book. She had swung past him several times to catch his attention, but he never noticed. Was the man blind and deaf?

Settled on her feet once again on the roof of the opposing tower, Albus whispered in her ear, "One more time, my dear, and this time try to give the window a little tap," and handed her a small stone.

She looked askance at him, "Tap it yourself, you old fool."

Albus smiled and pushed Argus, who was holding the other end of the pulley attached to Minerva, off the tower, which sent her swinging again. "Aahhh…" she screamed.

This time as she flew past, she threw the small rock at the window where Neville sat. "Look at me, you stupid bastard!" she yelled as she swung wide.

\---

Dominque, Louis and Victoire were excited to be able to share a room without the parental units. They were chasing themselves around the room, gleefully impersonating ghosts with all of the bedding they had. Fleur could hear them yelling next door. She grabbed her robe and stormed down to their room to discipline them. She flung the door open and the three children suddenly stopped giggling.

"Okay, that's enough! You zhree weel now be silent, yes? You weel go to zleep in zhree minutes or you weel be grounded," she admonished them.

Louis pulled the sheet off his head and gave her the puppy eyes. "But we haven't seen a ghost yet!" he whined. The other two also pulled their sheets off and looked pleadingly at her.

"Weel – I'm not fooling about. No ghosts for you."

Suddenly all three kids stared past her and then yanked the sheets up and over their heads and ran to the side of the room and huddled. They were terrified to see a large, rusty suit of armor appear behind their mother. Too terrified to even say anything about it to her.

Fleur looked at them curiously but was satisfied that they seemed to listen to her for a change. She wasn't sure why they had behaved so quickly, but she was pleased. She leaned to pull the door closed to return to her room. As she slammed her own door behind her, she didn't feel the thunk of a metal helmet stick in the door from the armor that had followed her on silent roller skates.

\---  
"Help me!! Help me!!!" The bed in Ginny's room was spinning ever faster and seemed to be lifting off the ground.

Neville, in his room, finally realized that maybe that high-pitched voice was a little closer than he thought, and he opened the window. The cries of "Help me" rang through the night, and he realized he needed to go help the young woman in distress.

As he ran out, he missed Minerva flying past his window one last time muttering, "Where'd he go?" looking into the now empty room.

\---

Luna had wandered out of the room she was sharing with her employer. As 'famous' a psychic as she was, Trelawney didn't pay well. Luna didn't care. She got to see some amazing things in her travels with the woman. She didn't even care that she mostly covered for Trelawney's lack of actual psychic skills. Luna was a more consistent medium, but lacked the desire to pursue it. Trelawney had real predictions on occasion, and Luna helped her make the most of those.

She wandered down to a communal bathroom since Trelawney was hogging the bath. Trelawney had broken into the sherry, and Luna decided she didn't want to spend the night singing old dirty songs with her. Inevitably, Trelawney wanted to sing _"Roll Your Leg Over"_ all night long when she drank.

She was rinsing her face at the sink when she heard a young woman's voice.

"Hello, there. Who are you and why are you in my toidy?"

Luna turned to see the spectre of a young woman hovering in the air. She had ponytails and round glasses. She looked rather young and wore what looked to be a school uniform.

"Oh, hello. I'm Luna," she greeted the ghost in a very calm voice. "Who are you?"

"Moaning Myrtle!" The spook screamed and she rushed Luna. As she stopped abruptly in front of Luna's face, she laughed, "Did I scare you?"

"Not really," Luna said, "but it was a good try," she added after seeing a look of disappointment in the ghostly girl's face.

"I never scare anyone," the girl moaned. "I keep trying but even the nun is better at scaring people than I am. Not that we ever get to do it." Her shoulders slumped.

"I'm sorry. Did you want to try again? I'll walk out and come back in and you can try to scare me," Luna offered.

"No, that's okay. Wouldn't be the same." The girl flitted around the room a bit, but seemed half-hearted about it

"So, why are you here?" Luna asked.

"I died here."

"I meant, why didn't you go to the light?" Luna sat down on the stone floor and crossed her legs. She indicated Myrtle should join her.

"What light?" Myrtle asked as she adjusted her spectral form to appear as if she was sitting but she had some problems keeping her butt from looking as if it sank into the floor.

"There should have been a bright big light when you crossed over," Luna explained.

"Oh, yeah. I kind of remember something like that. Didn't know what it was. Besides, I wanted to keep an eye on Tom."

"Tom?"

"Yeah," the ghost said dreamily. "He's so handsome."

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Gosh, no" the girl giggled. "He was marrying someone else." Her voice sounded very sad. "That's why I died."

"No! You didn't kill yourself?" Luna asked.

"Oh, no, no, no. I was just upset. Found out he was marrying Snape of all people. What a git! Anyways, I came in here to cry about it and slipped on a puddle of water. Cracked my head on the sink right over there," she nodded to a very old fashioned set of sinks in the center of the bathroom.

Luna murmured her condolences.

"So, why are you called 'Moaning Myrtle?'" Luna asked.

Myrtle giggled. "No one ever comes to visit me! Do you really want to know?"

"Of course," Luna smiled at her.

Myrtle then proceeded to tell her how her nickname came about and the two girls stayed up giggling the night away.

\---

 

Neville burst into Ginny's room and was amazed to find her sitting atop a four-poster bed that was spinning in circles in the air and she was holding on tightly. "Help me…Help…" she was yelling. She looked up at him as he came into the room. "You have to help me, Brother Neville! You have to make it stop!"

Neville was trying to figure out how to help her when she yelled, "You have to jump!"

"I'm coming." And in a leap of faith, he landed in the middle of the bed, face down in her lap.

Ginny grabbed his shoulders and yanked him up. "Don't just lay there. Do something!" She sounded panicky. "I'm getting dizzy."

"What? What? What should I do?!"

"You're a priest, for Christ's sake – exorcise it!!" she yelled, not understanding the inappropriateness of her words.

"Ohh—ohh – How about something from um… _"Revelations"_!!" Neville sputtered into her face as they held onto each other.

"Revelations!?"

He scrambled to find the pages he had just been reading. He pressed the book against her upper chest to try to read it, using her breasts as a book rest. "And I saw an angel…and I saw an…Oh, I'm going to be sick!"

Ginny wrapped her arms around him and they held onto each other tightly. "I don't want to die…I don't want to die." She kept repeating the mantra over and over again.

 

Fleur watched Bill as he worked on his instruments. His lean, wiry frame still spoke to her. His long red hair, even tied behind him, still excited her. She got a little smirk on her face and ripped her robe off and flung herself backwards onto the bed, wearing the silky nightgown handed to her earlier. "Comez to me Bill-boo…Makes me a woman!" she said teasingly to her husband.

Bill, standing on a chair adjusting some strips of test equipment hanging from the ceiling, looked across at her and swiftly removed his goggles.

"My love," he said in the huskiest voice he could muster. Fleur loved that voice. She couldn't wait. And, then like cold water hitting her, he said suddenly, "Oh my, that is the most pathetic display I have ever seen." She would have been furious but just then she spied something flying outside the window and ran to look at it, ignoring Bill as he crossed her path. "What is that?"

Bill looked around. He had seen an image of a mummy dancing across the room behind Fleur. A mummy – dancing. A short mummy – dancing. Disgusting. He looked around the bed. "A forty-five degree semi-silver mirror?"

\----

Harry was sitting at a table, leaning over a radiator trying to dry out their still damp clothes while Draco slept with his eye pillow wrapped around his head. A light suddenly shone through the window, almost blinding Harry. He rubbed his eyes and then focused. Before him stood an apparition of a mummy holding a sword. The sword was almost as large as the ghost.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Draco slurred. The bright light fell on Draco's sleepy form. Harry couldn't stop staring at the image. He lost track of what it was he had been doing.

"Harry? I smell something burning, Harry." Harry jumped up and realized the shirt he had been holding was now a half burnt rag. He dropped it and approached the apparition carefully. As he got close, the ghost thrust his sword at Harry. Harry jumped back away from it and then watched as the ghost moved to position himself over Draco. The mummy thrust his ghostly sword through Draco. Harry leapt to Draco's defense. Or rather he leapt on Draco.

Draco surged up and snatched the eye pillow off his face. They barely missed clonking their heads together. Draco grabbed Harry's undershirt, berating him. "How many times do I have to tell you 'No!'? I'm exhausted. We're…"

Harry tried to interrupt, "I just saw..."

Draco continued, "We are NOT making love tonight!" He knocked Harry off the bed.

Harry landed in a heap on the floor and yelled, "I just saw a ghost!"

Draco jumped out of bed and stood over his husband. "That is the most pathetic excuse for sex I have ever heard." He began pacing the room. "If I say I'm too tired – I'm too tired!" He brushed his blonde hair back nervously, then glared at the prone man. "Well, thank you very much, Harry. Now I need to take more _'Tension Ease'_." He strode over to the coat rack and grabbed an ivory colored, fur-lined silk robe and wrapped it around his slim waist in a furious tizzy before heading into the bathroom.

\----

Bill yanked their door open, only to find a headless suit of armor standing there. The head of the armor was stuck in the door but the rest of the suit began to speed away.

Fleur looked at the spectre wide-eyed. "Oh my God! It's got my underwear!" she said, seeing the lingerie still draped over the armor's arm.

"Oh, _very nice_ , a pervert ghost!" said Bill sarcastically as he stepped into the hallway after it.

Fleur began panicking as she realized where it was going, "Eetz going to getz the children!"

Wanting to calm his wife, Bill bucked up that courage that he was told traditionally ran through his family and stated, "It's all right. I'll handle this."

He suddenly dashed at the armor yelling, "GET AWAY FROM MY KIDS!" He grabbed a conveniently placed decorative sword that was hanging on the wall. He swung and a loud clang reverberated through the hall as the sword struck rusted metal.

"Supernatural, huh? Sounds pretty solid to me." He forced the suit at sword point to go past the children's door, which had opened as three faces peered into the hall at the noise. Upon seeing their father, they scrabbled out into the hallway towards him and their mother. "Behind me, children!" The kids were cheering their unexpectedly brave father on.

As Bill battled the armor, he forced it towards a back wall which ended at a cracked window. Bill's sword skill forced his opponent to turn and fight in the other direction. Upon seeing the nearly empty hall, the armor turned and fled past Fleur and the children. It rushed to escape on its now noticeable in-line skates. It seemed a little unbalanced.

Just then a large shape flew past the window behind them.

The kids turned at the movement and stared in shock. Dominque yelled, "I think it's real!"

At this point Bill was furious. His face was bright red. "I'll show you real." He swung the window opened and threw the sword down at the mirror he had originally seen from his room. The mirror shattered, which startled Argus and caused him to drop off the Tower again, sending Minerva in the other direction with no control.

A small figure squeaked up from below, "You could have killed me!" Filius was glowering at the guests above.

\---

Draco stood in the bathroom in front of the vanity, getting out his required dose of _'Tension Ease'_. Harry leaned against the walls, arms crossed. "Maybe if we made love more often, you wouldn't need that stupid potion."

Draco continued his actions as if Harry wasn't standing at the bathroom door talking to him. He sat the bottle down for a moment and picked up another.

"Do not take that potion," Harry pleaded. Draco began putting some night cream on his face. "Draco, do not take that potion. Would you listen to me for once in your life? Draco, please!" Harry stepped in front of Draco and spun him around. Draco stared at him, face slathered in white cream and swallowed the potion in one gulp all the while glaring at Harry in defiance.

At that very moment, Argus had lost control of his end of the pulley that Minerva was hanging from. She came crashing through their window and knocked them into the claw-footed tub before swinging back out again as Argus regained control.

\---

 

The three children and Fleur left to find out what happened to the perverted suit of armor. They caught up to it one floor down and began to chase it. They followed it down the hall and around several corners, running past the other guest rooms.

 

\---

From behind one door, a drunken woman's voice could be heard singing:

 _If all of the girls were bells in a tower  
And I was a clapper, I'd bang one each hour  
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over  
Roll your leg over the man in the moon._

If all them young ladies was bricks on a pile,  
Then I'd be the mason and I'd lay them in style.  
Go roll your leg over, roll your leg over  
Roll your leg over the man in the moon.

 

All four of them stopped briefly to listen until Fleur suddenly cuffed them on the heads when the kids began laughing and they raced on.

Finally, they rounded a corner that ended at the top of a staircase that had just appeared. They startled the suit that was perched on the landing and it began to lose control.

\----

Neville and Ginny were still spinning. The bed was near the ceiling and they still hadn't figured out how to get it to stop.

The ceiling gave way as the bedposts hit it. A very large man and a lot of rope landed in the middle of the bed with them. Their combined weight caused them to crash through the floor, and the floor below that, and then one more which hit a stair landing. They sped down the stairs and the stair began to shift location.

\---

Albus walked in from outside, realizing that their efforts hadn't been quite as effective as he'd hoped. He looked up to see Poppy in her armor being chased by children. He noticed the staircase above it begin to move.

"What are you doing?!" Albus yelled impatiently. At that the armor fell over and rolled down the stairs. Albus just managed to jump over her as Bill came around the corner of the top of the staircase screaming. Harry, Fleur and Draco coming up from behind.

"Dumbledore! You old phony. You cheat! You fake!!" Bill was bellowing at him.

Albus bent down to check on Poppy, pulling the top part of the armor off.

"Demon spawn! The lot of them!" Poppy yelled at the kids while the parents yelled at Albus.

As a group, they all clamored for his attention. Albus stood there, seemingly bemused. "Calm yourselves, calm yourselves, calm yourselves. As the brochure says, the unpredictability of spirits is expected. I would like to apologize for any minor inconvenience you may have experienced They all walked away from the stairs and further into the Great Hall.

Bill interrupted, spitting at him, "This is the most pitiable excuse of a sham that I've ever encountered."

Albus smiled, "It will get better, I assure you."

Just then a Queen-sized canopied bed occupied by a redhead, a giant and a clergyman came speeding down the other set of steps and into the Great Hall, knocking Albus off his feet and on top of the three already occupying the bed. Everyone else swiftly scrambled to get out of the way. The bed came to a dead stop in the middle of the room. There was a stunned silence for several long moments.


	5. Down to Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Summary:** Chapter 5: Down to Business--------What Harry Didn't Know   
> **Warning(s):** See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don't own anything.

_Chapter 5 – Down to Business_

Draco glared at the wrecked bed and back to his husband. "That's it, Harry. We're leaving tomorrow." He began to march up the stairs, swirling his robe around him dramatically

"Oh, no, no, no, my dear man," Albus pleaded as he sat up on the now plaster-covered bed. "Just give the poor ghosts a little more time." He brushed plaster pieces off his robes as he stood up.

"We're history, dude," said one of the Weasley children, which caused Albus to glare at the tyke as if he were a demon. He quickly looked back at the rest of the group with a placating expression. "Can't we look at tonight as sort of a dress-rehearsal?" he asked as he stepped off the bed and back onto his feet.

"You're finished, Dumbledore," an irate Bill yelled, his face turning a fiery red, matching his hair. He stormed over to Albus. "I'm going to personally expose this pathetic fraud! There are laws against people like you!" Bill thrust his finger in Albus face. He turned and stormed back towards the rest of the group. "Come on, Fleur. We're leaving!" Bill and his family headed back up the stairs, stalking past Draco who looked as if he was in a decided snit as he waited for Harry, who had been slowly climbing the steps behind him.

Minerva walked towards Albus and put a hand on his slumped shoulder. "Maybe Lucius Malfoy will give us another chance, Albus," she said hesitantly.

Harry stopped on the step and turned to look at Albus and the rest of the staff. "Lucius Malfoy?" he asked.

"Harry…" Draco whined, tugging on his sleeve. He ignored Draco, "What does Lucius Malfoy have to do with this?"

Minerva squared her shoulders back but admitted with a sad tone, "Lucius Malfoy holds the mortgage to this place." The heavy make-up she had applied earlier was now smeared across her face. "We only have two weeks to come up with the mortgage payment and then he's going to throw us out."

Draco looked down at his slippered feet during the woman's statement. He then took a deep breath and tugged on Harry's arm again. "Harry, I'm very tired. I'd like to go back to bed now."

Without looking at him, Harry began to respond, "Just wait a..."

"Now!" Draco insisted in a commanding voice as if fully expecting Harry to obey.

Harry turned to Draco. "Wait a minute!" Harry said in a raised voice. Draco jerked back in surprise. Harry stepped down towards Albus. "Mr. Dumbledore, what exactly is going on here?"

Albus stopped gazing at the floor pathetically and looked up at his interrogator. "So we told a lie," he said, the smell of alcohol reaching Harry's nose as he neared the old man. He looked at Harry for a moment, then seemed to gather his courage to face everyone else. "Everyone lies once in a while. So Minerva isn't a Banshee, and Poppy still has her head, and Filius isn't a mummy, and the castle isn't haunted...but what of it? What you have to ask yourself is - why did we do it? We did it because we love this place. Every little worm eaten brick, every little rotting nook and cranny. Why should you people care if I lose my home, Castle Hogwarts. And why should you care if the villagers lose one of their only means of employment." He sounded quite discouraged.

Minerva reached up and wiped a small tear off of Albus' cheek. "Thank you, Minerva, my dear." He smiled sweetly at her and patted her hand.

Draco stormed down to Harry and grabbed his arm to pull him away. "Harry, let's go to bed," he insisted. Harry took a step with Draco and then pulled back to look at Albus once again. "I care, Mr. Dumbledore." Draco huffed and continued up the stairs without Harry.

"What?" asked Albus.

"I care," Harry stated. "Lucius Malfoy is my father-in-law, so I'm involved in this," he answered.

Poppy pointed at Draco accusingly. "You're Lucius Malfoy's son?" The rest of the staff took several menacing steps towards him. Draco turned to face them all with his haughtiest expression. "Yes, yes, I'm Lucius Malfoy's son," he admitted in that rich, aristocratic tone that now seemed so familiar. Each staff member took several more steps towards him as Draco backed up the stairs. "I might as well tell you that there won't be any extensions on your mortgage. I mean, not after tonight's performance," Draco informed them.

Harry interrupted from below them. "I don't believe this," he said incredulously, looking past the staff and at his husband.

Draco looked down the stairs at Harry as if to explain it directly to him. "Father asked me to check it out. I mean, this whole ghost business is just too ridiculous," he explained to Harry with a slight nervous laugh. Draco almost stepped back onto the hem of his robe which caused him to stumble.

"So you came to sabotage us, did you?" Albus asked with his arms crossed.

Draco smirked. "No, no, no, you did that perfectly well all on your own."

There was complete silence in the hall for a few uncomfortable moments as they stared at Draco. He shifted anxiously from one leg to the other. "Well, Harry, are you coming to bed?" He stared at Harry for a second then at the others, then quickly spun around and headed to the top of the stairs without looking behind him again.

Harry shrugged his shoulders as he watched Draco leave, and he began heading up after him. A few steps up, he turned to the staff and addressed them. "Look, I don't know what to say. I mean, I didn't know." He seemed quite embarrassed. "For what it's worth, I think this place is great." He shuffled a little nervously again and then pointed to Filius. "You're the ghost mummy in the bedroom." He saw Minerva and snapped his fingers as he identified her. "You were the Banshee in the luggage rack." The staff smiled weakly back at him and nodded. Harry shook his head and turned and headed up the steps.

"Draco…DRACO…"

Harry ran up the steps, following Draco the entire way yelling his name. He finally caught up to him in one of the long corridors to the room and grabbed Draco by both arms and pushed him against a stone wall.

"Wait a minute…" Harry started.

"Father wanted this place. He's always wanted this place. My mother was born in Hogsmeade," Draco began placatingly, "and he hates the Dumbledores."

"Why?" Harry asked

Draco tossed his head back a bit. "Why not? Father hates most people," he added as if this were a perfectly normal thought process.

Harry's face dropped a bit seeing Draco's obvious attempt to pacify him. "So, you lied to me? You used our second honeymoon to…"

"Harry, it's business," Draco argued tiredly, rubbing his fingers against his temples.

"It's business?" Harry's voice quivered in disappointment. He stared at his husband uncomprehendingly.

Seeing the look on Harry's face, Draco rolled his shoulders back and stood taller. "Obviously, those are words you aren't familiar with," he sneered with finality and then strode off, away from Harry. After a few meters, he reached the door to their room. Standing at the doorway, he turned around and waited for Harry to join him. Dejected, Harry headed towards Draco, but then as he neared the man, he too straightened up and walked right past him and continued down the hall.

Draco asked in a surprised tone, "Where are you going?"

"To get drunk," Harry answered quietly.

\----

An hour later found Harry and Albus at the bar huddled together over several empty bottles of Firewhisky.

"I don wantchu to lose your… _hic_ …castle. Oh, my father-n-law isa bloody prat, he is." Harry had started slurring at least one bottle earlier.

"Oh my dear boy, you're too kind. He's a lovely combination of dungheap pile and a rat's knackers," Dumbledore assured his drunken companion with a slight pat on his back.

Harry looked blearily up at him. "What's a rat's knackers?"

Albus took another gulp before he answered, "It's an unholy trinity of a muckraker, a gob of shite and a whore's mouth."

Harry nodded in agreement. "The guy's a prick," he announced authoritatively.

"In a word," Albus agreed. "Would you like a drink?" He held the bottle out to Harry. Harry looked blearily at it and then dropped his head onto the bar.


	6. Severus Snape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Summary:** Chapter 6: Severus Snape --------- The Man Himself Appears   
> **Warning(s):** See Chapter 1 for warnings and disclaimer. I still don't own anything.

_ Chapter 6 – Severus Snape _

Harry stumbled down a hallway muttering to himself, "Look at the bad side. Gotta look at the bad side. There are two sides to every…gotta find the good one…no the bad one…AIGH…" He had gone up the stairs that led to his rooms. Suddenly, the stairs began moving. Harry lost his balance and grabbed onto the railing. "Oops…I think I might have had a little too mu… _Hic_ Feels like the floor's moving. _Hic!_ I'll just sit here for a bit. _HIC!_ " He slid down against the railing and onto the step to wait for them to stop moving. When they did, Harry crawled the rest of the way up and then staggered tp his feet to stand at the top. "Must be getting soberer…less drunker..." he said as he stared at his feet and they were no longer moving.

Not realizing the staircase had deposited him at the wrong corridor, he began his trek back to where he thought their room was. He walked through the massive spider web and saw the rather enormous owner of it scurrying up his shirt. Frantically, he danced around the hall, beating his own chest for a minute while yelling at the arachnid. He fell over. As he lay there, a random thought occurred to him that hotel owners, even as warped as this one seemed, wouldn't actually inflict real spiders on their guests. He vaguely remembered that Hagar, Harvard, er…the big guy saying there were giant spiders in the forest. "Bleah!" he wiped some leftover spidersilk off his face.

He lay there thinking about how his husband sometimes reminded him of a black widow – all pinchy faced, sharpened claws, sucking the life out of him at times, but never sucking… He decided to take matters into his own hands. He stormed into the room, "Draco…Draco…" he began insistently. He'd make that blond haired git of a spouse of his listen for a change.

"Milk of human kindness, Draco," he protested, walking towards a large bed sitting at the top of several stone steps. The fact the canopied bed was covered in rotting lace didn't register with him. He also didn't notice the multitude of cobwebs that adorned the room, the rusting old candelabra sitting precariously in a corner, or the dank smell of mould that permeated the air.

"Three little words every once in awhile," he continued babbling as he tripped up the three stone steps that went up to the bed. "Does it cost anything? 'I LOVE YOU'. That's it. Just those little words. You can't say it, can you?" Harry finally made it to the bed only to realize that Draco was not in it. He swung his head around, looking for his partner.

"Aw, bloody hell. Wrong room." He sat down on the bed, too tired and tipsy to find his way back. He closed his eyes for a moment and sank sideways onto the mattress.

For a few seconds, there was quiet. Then a chill draft crept across the room. There was a heavy panting approaching him. Harry opened his eyes to see a tall, pale-skinned man appear in his room, seemingly a bit out of breath. His back faced Harry. He had long black hair, pulled back by an equally black ribbon, and was wearing a long, dark, grey night shirt. His long feet were bare. Harry couldn't help but notice them as the man took long, silent steps backwards away from a sealed stone arch in the wall. He was yelling, "Tom, don't be foolish," while looking at the wall.

Harry struggled to sit up. "Hey, hey…it's not what you think!"

The man ignored him, watching the wall intently. "No, Tom, don't." The man looked around and Harry finally saw his face. A sudden burst of recognition came to Harry. "I know you. You're the bloke in the portrait. You're Severus Snape!"

Just then, a flash of light appeared at the wall Severus had been staring at. Harry was shocked to see the light turn into another man. He didn't recognize this one. Like Severus, he, too, was pale, but where Severus was handsomely wan, this new man almost appeared sallow and somewhat reptilian. Not snake-like exactly; Harry wasn't that drunk, but he had hard sharp angles accentuating his face. His nose was short and sharp where Severus's was quite large and hooked. His face also had a pointed chin and small, narrowed eyes that reflected orange and red, as if it were reflecting a fire in the room.

"Aw, my little half-blood prince. Where dya think you're going?" 'Tom' raced at Severus and grabbed his arms and pushed him onto the bed next to where Harry was sitting.

"Get off of me," Severus said as he fought against Tom who had pinned him in place on the bed.

Harry looked at Severus. "Who's this guy?" he pointed to Tom.

The two men ignored him as they struggled. Tom ripped the ribbon from Severus's hair and wrapped it around Severus's long slender neck. He began choking Severus.

"Oh…this is good!" Harry exclaimed. "So realistic," he said, watching in drunken fascination at what he thought were actors playing a scene. He had finally realized this was supposed to be Thomas Riddle, i.e. _"He Who Must Not Be Named"_. "It's so brutal," he observed in admiration.

'Severus' finally clomped 'Tom' on the head. 'Tom' clutched his head in pain as Severus got off the bed and began running away. As 'Tom' recovered, Harry commented to him, "This is a great act, but you should have done it earlier when it might have helped."

Harry got up to follow the action back to the wall. Tom had Severus cornered.

"Who was he?! Who'd you sleep with, you prickwhore?!" Tom demanded.

"No one! How dare you?!" Severus argued. Harry liked his voice, even in anger. It was dark and sultry. He also liked how Severus's pale face flushed in anger with pink spots highlighting his high cheek bones.

"Who is he?!" Tom backhanded Severus. The loud slap reverberated through the room.

"Hey now…that's a little too…" Harry protested going over to them.

"There's no one, you wanker!" Severus spat back at Tom.

Tom grabbed Severus's arm and yanked him hard."Why don't I believe you?" he said as he pulled a long, narrow wand from his waist. "Avada Kedavra!" Harry watched as a green light surrounded Severus and the man fell to the floor, lifeless.

As Severus fell, Tom dropped to his knees. "Severus? Severus?" he whispered, while stroking his hand over the fallen man's face. "Oh, Merlin…oh Merlin....what have I done?"

"You killed him," Harry answered, almost mute in shock, kneeling across from the murderer. He suddenly felt a lot less drunk.

"God, what have I done?" Tom asked again.  
.  
Harry looked up, annoyed, "I told you. You killed him!"

Tom stood up, tears on his face, "What have I done, what have I done, what have I done…" and staggered backwards towards the wall he came in through. Harry, thinking he couldn't let him get away, ran after him but was stopped by the very solid stone arch the man just disappeared through. Rubbing his nose, he turned around to find the body of Severus Snape was now missing.

Harry dropped to the floor, feeling around. "Trapdoors. There must be a trapdoor around here." After finding none, he fell over and just lay there a moment blinking at the ceiling. Some wooziness from the alcohol rushed through him.

While he lay there, Severus came running back through the door as if he'd never been injured, followed again by Tom.

"Aw, my little half-blood prince. Where dya think you're going?" Tom raced at Severus and grabbed his arms and pushed Severus onto the bed just as he did the first time.

"Get off of me," Severus yelled as he fought against Tom who had him pinned in place.

Harry got up and ran for the bed yelling, "Party's over, man. Party's over!" he watched as the two re-enacted their struggle again.

Just then Severus clobbered his attacker again just as Harry was going to intervene. Harry had picked up a candlestick next to the bed and attempted to swing at Tom as he left the bed. The swing was too wide causing Harry to miss and fall back onto the bed.

By the time Harry recovered, Tom had his victim cornered again. "Who was he?! Who'd you sleep with, you prickwhore?!" Tom demanded.

"No one! How dare you?!" Severus argued.

"Who is he?!" and he backhanded Severus.

Harry ran over to break them up. He jumped between them but they continued to argue as if he wasn't there. "Come on. Time to break it up," he yelled at Tom as he stood between him and Severus.

"There's no one, you wanker!"

Tom grabbed Severus's arm and yanked him hard. "Why don't I believe you?" he said as he pulled a long, narrow wand from his waist. "Avada Kedavra!"

This time, Harry saw the green light surround himself. "Aw…I'm hit," Harry groaned. He staggered away from them. Severus stood there looking between Harry and Tom in disbelief.

Tom dropped to his knees and began wailing his grief. "Severus? Severus?" Tom whispered. He stroked his hand as if there was a body laying before him but it was just empty air. "Oh, Merlin…oh Merlin....what have I done?"

"Oh..it hurts…" Harry cried, then looked down at his stomach where the wound should be and saw…nothing wrong. He examined himself more to be sure. He didn't notice that Severus had walked over towards him. Harry looked at him in confusion. This was the first time those dark, glittering eyes had actually registered Harry's presence.

Another loud wail emanated from Tom. Harry and Severus both looked over at him still replaying his own scenario.

"Er, who are you guys," Harry asked Severus who was now right next to him.

In that very deep throaty voice Harry liked so much, he answered, "I'm Severus Snape." It confirmed Harry's earlier identification, except it didn't seem as if he was an actor playing the role of Severus Snape.

Harry's green eyes widened in disbelief. "Wait a minute. This _is_ an act, right?" They widened even further as Tom stood and disappeared once again.

Severus looked at the now empty archway and back at Harry. "What do you want for what you just did?" he asked suspiciously.

"For what?" Harry asked.

"For your idiotic show of Gryffindor bravery, you dunderhead," he said with exasperation. "I'm sure you want something for it."

"Ah, well…what? Er, what's a Gryffindor?" Harry was looked perplexed.

"It was one of the four houses established when Hogwarts was still a school," Severus answered. "It took in reckless, brave young souls like yourself."

"This place is a school?" Harry asked. He was staring at the large nose that seemed to inch closer to his face with each word.

Severus looked a little annoyed and ran his hand through his hair. "Was! Was! I know it's no longer a school, but have you not read "Hogwarts: A History"? This castle is a very important part of the history of wizardkind. Surely, you still learn about it?" Severus' gaze bore into Harry's eyes.

"Um…no. Can't say I ever have," Harry said. He was beginning to get lost in those hypnotic orbs. The man was oddly attractive. "You're quite handsome," he blurted out.

Severus snorted and back away. "You don't get to insult me just because you saved me," he said with a sneer. "My thanks will have to suffice." The spectre started fading away.

Harry reached out. "Go? Why do you have to go?" The face he was reaching for disappeared.

Harry was left alone and suddenly his stomach started churning. "Ugh...I don't feel so good." He sat on the floor and closed his eyes. "And I'm not reckless," he muttered to himself as he rubbed his eyes. "I'm reckful, reckfilled, loaded with reck...whatever. Draco would never let me be," he sighed. "I'm just a wreck," he trailed off before one last surge of wooziness threatened to make him pass out. He closed his eyes and began to nod off.

He hadn't noticed Myrtle watching the entire scenario from her usual spot. She had escaped Luna for a few minutes just so she could see her "Tommy".

She was quite giddy at the change in events. Her laughter as she flew out of the room brought Harry back to his senses. _'What the heck was that?'_ he thought.

After waiting for a few minutes to see if Severus returned, Harry finally stood up. He was finally sober enough to get his bearings, but still tipsy enough not to make it back in a straight line. Returning to his room, he went over to the bed where Draco was sound asleep, eyes covered by the ever present "eye pillow" that Harry had come to loathe. He fell into a sitting position on the bed, jostling his husband who complained with a snore.

"I'm going nuts," Harry said quietly. He stared gloomily into the dark. "I wonder if you ever loved me," he muttered. Draco answered with another snore.

"Let's see if those potions really work," Harry decided in a depressed, alcohol-induced fit of pathos. He managed to stand up again and cross the room to the bathroom.

Staring at his pale reflection, Harry assessed the dark circles under his eyes. On the sink, along with the usual toiletries of toothpaste, brush, soap, etc… were two bottles. The bottle on the right was labeled _'Tension Ease'_ , the one on the left was labeled _'B Your Best - B-Complex Liquid Formula – Now in Mint!'_. Harry looked at himself critically again. "You've had a good life, Harry." He turned to the shelves beside the mirror to find a water glass.

The ghostly image of Severus Snape appeared in the mirror. With one eyebrow raised and a rolling of his eyes, he reached out to magically swap the labels of the two bottles without Harry noticing him. He disappeared from the glass as Harry turned back to the sink.

"Oh, gawd…" Harry weeped in a quiet, desperate voice. He grabbed the bottle on the left and swallowed the whole thing. After he swallowed, he thought death tasted rather minty. He followed it with a glass of water to dilute it a bit.

Severus appeared again in the mirror watching Harry. Harry finally looked up and saw him. Mouth gaping open in surprise, the combination of alcohol and the sudden appearance of the ghost caused Harry to lose consciousness. He slowly collapsed to the stone floor where a conveniently placed cushion appeared at the exact spot his head landed.

Severus snorted after confirming Harry had merely fainted and was not about to join him in the ghostly realm.


	7. Leaving, Now Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Guests Try to Leave

_ Chapter 7 – Leaving, Now Leave _

The next morning, Mrs. Dumbledore was sitting in her usual spot in her room as her husband glided in through the door. "Good morning, Percival darling!" She stood and greeted him with an air kiss to each cheek.

"Good morning, Kendra. Well, our son is an idiot!" Mr. Dumbledore announced as if he had just had an epiphany. His pale face shone brightly in the morning light.

Mrs. Dumbledore chuckled. "We've known that for years, haven't we, darling?"

"Well, this time he has surpassed himself. The ghosts are furious!" He began to pace a little.

"Why?" asked Mrs. Dumbledore, knowing her husband was just looking for a reason to continue his rant.

"Well, they've heard that _that_ Lucius Malfoy fellow is going to move the castle to Orlando!"

"Oh, how nice! All that sunshine and all those funny cartoon animals!" Mrs. Dumbledore stated dreamily.

"No respectable ghost would live in Florida!" yelled the elder Dumbledore, shocked his wife would even consider this appalling turn of events. "What would they do there? Other than make new ghosts from scaring all the geriatrics there? I tell you, they do not want _that_ sort of company. Old, dead, Americans…pshh…"

Mrs. Dumbledore took a sip of sherry, leaving her coral poppy lipstick print behind on it as he rambled. He shook his head. "If only I hadn't died," he moaned.

"Well, you _did_ die, didn't you, darling? So what do you want to do about it?" She was already slurring a bit. It looked to be another fine, tipsy day.

"It's out of my hands," he said. "They won't listen to me anymore. They're going to give those guests exactly what they came here for," he said with a hint of humor lacing his voice.

"Serve 'em right," she agreed and finished her glass.

\--

Back in Harry and Draco's room, Harry opened his eyes carefully. He stared at the ceiling for moment, trying to figure out where he was. Feeling the bottle still in his hand, he raised his arm to bring it over his face. He finally remembered what he had done.

"I'm dead. So this is what it feels like." Just then, Draco stepped over him, dropping his silk robe over Harry's face. He pulled the robe off his eyes as Draco stepped back over him without a sound. "Like a hangover," Harry muttered.

He sat himself up and tried to ignore the pounding in his head. Draco must have gotten dressed as Harry could hear the clack of his shoes across the floor as he headed back into the bathroom. Harry stood up and followed him.

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom mirror flossing his teeth mindlessly. Harry walked up behind him and looked over each shoulder trying to get Draco's attention, eventually waving his hand in front of Draco's unresponsive face. Draco just kept flossing his bright pearly whites. Certain now that he _had_ passed on, Harry settled back a little to observe Draco as he finished up his morning routine.

"Now that I'm dead, I thought I'd let you know that you're as cold as a Dementor in Azkaban. Yeah, clean those choppers so you can chew up the next jerk that comes along." Harry felt good for finally letting out some of the anger that had built up inside him over the years.

Suddenly, Draco turned around and slapped Harry's face sharply and stepped past him.

"I'm not dead? " Harry asked rubbing his jaw in shock.

"No, but if I were you, I wouldn't make any long term plans!" Draco huffed and walked out of the bathroom.

Draco stopped a few steps away and turned. "Great, Harry, now I've got a massive migraine coming on. I'll bet my B-levels are way down." Draco took a big swig from a bottle that Harry just noticed in his hands.

"Uh, Draco," he tried to interrupt him. He staggered over to the blond. "Draco, let me see that bottle," he requested. Draco turned his shoulder away from him. Harry moved forward and took the bottle. Draco glared at him and picked up a small suitcase.

"Get packed, Harry," Draco snipped as he opened the door and walked out.

Harry looked down at the bottle and confirmed his suspicions. "Draco, you just took almost half a bottle of _'Tension Ease',_ " Harry yelled. Draco just waved him off.

\---  
Out in the bus, the other passengers were waiting for the remaining stragglers. Hagrid was trying to make conversation. "So, lass, what did you have for breakfast then?"

The oldest of the Weasley children grimaced, "I don't know. Some bloody fish." She wrinkled her petite nose in disgust.

Hagrid gave a faint smile, "Ah, that's a nice change, then."

\---

Draco had gone into the Great Hall and started up the Floo to fire-call his father. The potion had begun to make him a tad relaxed.

"Daddy," he whined, "This place is a nightmare. A nightmare," he repeated, slurring his words. "What? Oh, of course I sound off. I'm so depressed. Everybody hates me. And last night, Harry slept on the floor, and when he woke up, he said he was dead and that I was like a Dementor. He hates me." Draco slid to the floor just as Bill Weasley walked into the hallway. Draco lay there, with his head in the Floo, crying. "It's all your fault, daddy. I hate you…" Draco rolled out of the hearth and lay face up on the floor.

Bill knelt beside him. "Mr. Potter, are you ok?" Draco looked up at Bill, blue-grey eyes filled with tears. "Do you think I'm colder than a Dementor?" Bill reached up to feel Draco's forehead. Not feeling any sort of fever, Bill tried to reassure Draco as he pulled him up into a sitting position.

"Actually, Dementors are given a bad rap. They may be cold and scary to us, but to their own kind, they are quite affectionate."

"Bleah…that's disgusting," Draco's slurred, putting his arms around Bill's neck as they both stood.

Bill laughed. "Not to other Dementors, it's not. I imagine our couplings seem quite ridiculous to other species."

Draco stumbled a bit and held onto Bill tightly. "Harry and I never couple anymore," he whined, "He's too insi..insid..sinsip..dull..."

Bill blinked. "TMI", he mumbled. Without warning, Draco suddenly latched onto Bill's mouth. Bill's knees collapsed under him at the sudden onslaught. It was very reminiscent of a Dementor's kiss as Draco snogged the breath out of Bill.

In another sudden move, Draco stood up and moved back. He slapped Bill hard across the face. "How dare you!" He grabbed his bag and headed off, shouting, "Harry!"

Bill sheepishly gathered his own luggage and followed him out muttering, "I didn't…I never meant…Please, don't tell my wife."

"Harry!"

Faintly, a voice could be heard from the Floo, that is if anyone living was there to hear it, "Draco? Draco, get back on this fire-call, right now! Draco, are you there?" Quietly, the call was disconnected by unseen hands.

 

\---

Meanwhile, Harry had gathered his bags and headed out down a separate corridor. He walked through a seemingly deserted room with a big bay window with stone window seats, but little in the way of other furnishings. He heard a hushed muttering. "Dear Merlin, get me out of this, whatever the price. Just get me away from here."

Harry stopped as he saw the apparition of Severus Snape sitting by the window in robes that had been out of style for at least half a century, perhaps longer. His long black hair was plaited and tied with a black silk ribbon

Harry approached him and Severus stood. "You're real," Harry said, incredulously. "I mean…you're a real ghost." He reached out to touch Severus and his hand went right through the image before him although he felt an odd tingle that surged through his magical core.

"Yes, I believe that's obvious," Severus said flatly, but he was blinking as if surprised by something.

Harry suppressed a chuckle. "I suppose so," he agreed.

Severus shifted, apparently a trifle uncomfortable. "I suppose I should thank you for last night."

Harry nodded as he stared at Severus dark, hypnotic gaze. "Really, it was nothing." He paused for a moment with a confused look on his face. "Um…what did I do?"

"You gave me my first moment of peace in fifty years. I am indebted to you, sir." Severus nodded formally. He leaned forward towards Harry.

Harry backed away, suddenly worried. "It was nothing, really. And you don't have to call me sir, sir."

"Then what should I call you?" Severus asked, advancing again.

"Um, er, I uh…How about Harry?" he stammered, backing away, again.

"Fine, Sir Harry," Severus said as he cornered Harry. Harry ducked under his arm and across to the other side of the room.

"Really…it's on me. We're square. No debts…nothing," Harry garbled inarticulately.

Severus stared at him intently which made Harry nervous.

"Um…nice robes," Harry said.

"They are my bonding robes," Severus explained, walking towards him again, this time slower. "Today is my wedding day. And tonight, he'll murder me." Each word was drawled out for dramatic effect.

"You get murdered every night?" Harry asked.

"Every night until last night," Severus confirmed, back to his normal voice, seeing as it had no effect on the other man. But he now had Harry backed up against the opposite wall from before. Harry didn't seem to notice, but instead asked, "What about tonight?"

"That depends on you, I believe," he answered, looking down on Harry with a piercing gaze.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked in a skittish squeak.

"It's obvious. Your love broke the curse." Severus said with a slight smirk.

Harry's eyes widened and he ducked away again to the middle of the room. "Oh my…stop right there. You can't depend on me. No one can depend on me. My husband would never understand. He'd curse my bullocks off!"

"So, it wasn't love, then?" Severus considered this and his shoulders sank a bit.

"Hold on, Severus. I mean, we hardly know each other," Harry said, lamely.

"Are you aware of what compatible magical cores are?" Severus asked.

"Um, no? I mean outside of fairy tales, they aren't real." Harry answered.

"I see," Severus said.

\---

Draco had been screaming Harry's name the entire way through the castle and out the door as the staff attempted to assist him onto the carriage. After sitting in the passenger seat for a few minutes, he got restless and leaned over and laid on the horn.

\---

From inside the room, Harry heard the blaring sound. "Look, I've got to go."

"I wish you would not leave," Severus said and then turned to look out the window. A strong wind began swirling around the room.

"Look – I can't….: Harry could hardly hear himself over the wind.

"You wish to forget me, then?" Severus said, looking back over his shoulder.

A pain ripped through Harry's heart. He had a sudden urge to kiss that nose. He honestly answered, "I don't know what I want." Severus tightened his lips and then faded from sight.

\---

The wind picked up so hard, it began pushing Harry out of the room, luggage tumbling behind him. It swirled around him and pushed him down the stairs and across the Great Hall. As he reached the entrance, the staff by the door began to feel the wind too. Draco was still laying on the horn from inside the carriage, "HARRY…HARRY…HARRY!" Hagrid did his best to ignore him.

Harry tried to hold on to the awning post but, once outside, the wind swept him up into the air and he went sailing as if he were on an out of control Nimbus 2000. He flew past the carriage and out towards the fields. The staff began shrieking and pointing at him.

Just then, another strong gust ripped the roof of off the carriage. Then it tore off every other piece: the doors, the hood, the boot. The staff tried to race back into the building but the wind prevented them from getting back in the door. The passengers watched them in concern, except for Draco who was enjoying the sensation of the wind and began tossing everyone's possession's out the now missing windows.

"WOOO!" Draco yelled just as another breeze blew off everyone's clothing, leaving them all in their skivvies, with the exception of Hagrid (for which everyone would have been grateful had they had time to consider it).

Neville, sitting diagonally behind Draco, was left with nothing but his briefs and his priest collar.  
Draco looked over the seat at him with a big smile, "Oh! So all the snakes _weren't_ driven out of Ireland."

Brother Neville quickly covered himself when he realized Draco was looking at his crotch, "What?" he squeaked out.

"Snakes. ha ha ha ha." Draco laughed hysterically to himself as no one else seemed to think it was particularly funny.

Neville decided to remove his collar. He was feeling a mite warm even with all the wind.

Then lighting struck nearby and rain began to pour on them. Everyone ran for cover except for Draco and Luna. They started to dance in the rain together. The held hands and spun each other in circles.

Suddenly, the sun could be seen over the field and, through the water, a multitude of colors appeared.

Luna stopped and turned Draco around. She pointed. "Look! A double rainbow."

Draco stopped and gaped at it, "Oh wow!! That's a full-on, across the sky, double rainbow."

"It's so pretty," Luna whispered.

Draco hugged her and laid his head on her shoulder. "What does it mean?" he sobbed suddenly. Minerva stepped up and led the two inside.

\---

Nearby, Harry found himself in a tree, soaked and hanging off a very large, and somewhat high, branch. Lightening struck nearby and he was knocked to the ground. At least it wasn't raining at that spot and the wind had died down. A ray of sun shone down on him.

Harry was trying to get his bearings when he heard an odd voice. "'Ellooo? Hoo-You be Harry?"

'Who's that?" Harry asked spinning around. There was no one to be seen.

"It's me. Are you being Harry?" The voice had an eerie echo. Harry searched across the seemingly empty field. He only spotted one living creature: a snowy white owl that was watching him from branch in the next tree over.

Feeling ridiculous, he approached the bird. "Did you say something?" Harry asked. The owl blinked. "Of course not. I must be crazy," Harry muttered, looking around.

"Hoo-You are," the voice said. Harry snapped his back at the bird. He noticed it nodding.

"You are talking, aren't you?" Bronze eyes blinked at him. After a few moments of no other response, Harry thought, _'I really need to stop drinking.'_ Hangovers seemed to last longer now that he was older.

Harry cleaned out his ears with his pinky and then looked around. They were a fair distance away from the castle but he could see the outline against the horizon. "Wonder where I am?"

"What an idiot," the voice said. Harry spun on the owl who had pointedly turned away and began whistling the theme from the _"Andy Griffith Show"_. Harry had been in America long enough to recognize it.

"It _was_ you, you gitty little bird. Owls don't whistle, they hoot."

The owl looked at him again and finally gave in. "Well, _I_ don't give a hoot." He paused as Harry made a disgusted face at the bird's quip. "Fine, fine. Aren't you the genius? Can't see what the man wants with you, but follow me." The owl took off in a low, slow flight and Harry trailed after it.

"Hey, how come you know Andy Griffith?" Harry asked.

"The Dumbledores are too cheap for cable so it's some of the only crappy TV programming we get!" the owl answered in a snit.

Harry decided not to ask any more questions. That was one touchy bird.

 

\---

The rest of the guests gathered back in the Great Hall, drenched and cold. Several people found odd items to cover themselves with like the dusty old tapestry that Neville strapped over one shoulder and secured with a small piece of rope. Bill had grabbed a loose piece of armour breastplating and slipped it over his head and white boxers. Draco donned a green tablecloth around his waist.

Albus skipped down the stairs, welcoming them back. "Welcome, welcome! Let me be the first to apologize for the lamentable and changeable Irish weather."

Bill Weasley's face had turned a bright pink. "Shut up, Dumbledore. Just Floo or call a cab for us."

"Certainly, my good sir," he answered cheerfully. He sauntered over to the bar and picked up the phone. He listened for a moment then exclaimed the phone line was dead. Groans could be heard echoing through the Great Hall.

"Never fear. I'm sure we can fire-call the Knight Bus dispatcher," he reassured them.

Argus coughed and then spoke up as he stood by what was an evidently cold fireplace. "Uh…fire's gone cold. Won't get restarted tonight." Argus said.

The collective groan got louder. Bill stormed over to the phone to confirm its 'deadness'. He began to pound on the buttons.

Albus closed the door behind them as soon as the last of the staff had gathered a few stray pieces of apparel that had landed nearby and rejoined them. Hagrid was holding up an odd pair of boxers that said, "How Do You Like My Crystal Balls?" Without a word, Trelawney walked over and grabbed them from him. Everyone stared at her.

"They were a gift," she explained, irritably. She shoved them under her arm.

"They're quite comfortable," Luna added. All the eyes widened.

Trelawney coughed. "Luna has a pair too. From a client," she explained.

Luna smiled dreamily. "I quite enjoy Mr. Gambon's visits."

Albus chuckled but then changed the subject. "So, we're to be together for yet another night. Isn't that nice?"

Bill's face was now red. "Dumbledore, I'd rather walk a mile in this suit of armor then spend another minute in this hellhole. Fleur, kids – we're leaving!"

Bill stormed to the front door and opened it wide. As he did so, a bolt of lightning struck him dead center of his metal-clad chest. The force of it threw him across the room and high in the air so he landed in an old candelabra chandelier with a loud clank. Smoke emanated from his entire body.

"Beel! Beel!" Fleur went running up the stairs for a better view as Argus went to grab the chain that would lower the chandelier to the floor.

As he was lowered, the still smoldering man slurred, "I guess we could stay one more night."


	8. Breaking Curses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Ghost Prays While Another Preys

_ Chapter 8 – Breaking Curses _

The owl led Harry across an impossibly sunny field considering the weather not far away. He saw a tall form standing by a tree that he recognized.

"Severus?" he asked. The man didn't seem to hear him. He seemed to be tying some ribbons into the branches of the tree. Harry watched as he knelt down.

"Dear Merlin. Don't let him go through with this. Please let me be released from this magical pledge."

Harry tried again. "Severus?" Again, the man continued talking to himself.

Finally, Harry raised his voice, "SEVERUS!" The man turned and gazed piercingly at Harry. Taking in Harry's disheveled state, he raised an eyebrow. "What happened to you?" he asked.

"Ran into a little wind," Harry said, sheepishly.

"Oh, yes. That would be the ghosts of the castle. They are a tad aggravated with the guests at the moment. Sorry about that." He turned back to the tree.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"Something I'm sure is quite pointless, seeing how it's never worked before, but I'm attempting to get a wizard more powerful than myself or Tom Riddle to intervene. Merlin is the only one I can think of." He turned and began putting more ribbons on the tree.

Harry stared at him dumbfounded. "This is crazy. I must be losing it. I only got here yesterday and already my marriage has collapsed, I saved a ghost from another ghost." Severus stood and faced Harry. "If you think about it, it makes no kind of sense," Harry explained. Severus began walking towards him. "Then I fly through the air with no broomstick, hit a tree and Hedwig, the talking owl, starts insulting me to bring me to…" Harry hesitated as he watched Severus step into his space, towering over him, "the most attractive ghost…I've ever seen."

Severus pursed his lips and blew gently into Harry's face. The sensation sent a tingle through Harry. Again, Harry felt it in his magical core. Just an odd little sensation he had never felt before. A sort of electric fluttering.

Severus stepped back again. "Last evening, when you took the killing curse in my stead, you broke the curse that has bound me here for so long."

"What curse?" Harry asked.

"My bonding to Thomas Riddle was arranged by my father. Riddle was the most powerful wizard since Grindelwald. My father noted Riddle's interest in me so he arranged my bonding to him to shore up his own weak standing in wizarding society. I did not care for Riddle. He was a cruel man, vile, and, " Harry nodded for Severus to continue, "he had warts." Harry grimaced as Severus did. "Magical warts that could not be cured. He stank as well." Harry agreed that Tom Riddle sounded repulsive.

"On the night of the bonding, I refused him," Severus stated.

"Refused? Refused him what?" Harry asked.

Severus widened his eyes in disbelief. "I refused him on our wedding night." Still seeing the blank look on Harry's face, he added, "To be shagged, you moron!"

"Oh – right. Right!" as the meaning hit Harry. "Yeah…um, go on." Harry said, turning a bit red for his temporary idiocy. What was it about this man that made him unable to think clearly?

"Riddle thought I was seeing someone else," Severus said, "but I wasn't. He would not believe me and in a jealous fury, he did me in. As you saw." Severus looked around and took a deep breath. "Now everyday is the same. If he kills me one more time, I'll _scream,_ " Snape said, sounding vexed.

Harry wasn't quite sure how to respond so he tried a little levity. "So, Riddle stank, huh?"

"Yes…and he squished," Severus added with a disgusted sneer.

"Ugh…" Harry thought a moment. "Uh, do you think you could love a man who belched on occasion but showered regularly and didn't squish?"

Severus stepped up to him again. "I believe I could find you appealing. If you loved me, then the curse could be broken."

Harry lost himself in those eyes again for a few moments until reality set back in. "Oh god. I can't! I can't do this. I'm married!" He looked apologetically at the ghost who backed away then turned his back on Harry.

"Then, you don't love me," he said in a flat tone.

"I didn't say that," Harry argued.

"And I am doomed forever," Severus continued as if he didn't hear Harry. "Even now, Tom prepares himself and oils his wand." Harry's eyebrows went up at the inappropriate image that popped into his head.

Severus turned his head to look back at Harry. "Goodbye, Harry Potter.'

"Look, you're dead, I'm English-American. It would never work out," Harry argued unconvincingly as if this was just a minor inconvenience.

Severus knelt down and went back to his prayers, ignoring Harry.

"Severus, I don't want you to get murdered again. I don't, but…" But the apparition faded away before him, and Harry was left standing alone.

\---

Draco was beginning to recover from the potion and decided to get cleaned up. He was singing at the top of his lungs as he soaped himself up in the claw-footed bath that had been converted to a shower.

As he lathered his body, he heard the sounds of someone in the water behind him. Eyes closed to avoid getting shampoo in them, he didn't see the form of a tall, lean man with brown hair rise up behind him.

"Harry, is that you?" Draco asked. Not receiving an answer, he continued. "I don't know what happened. I feel so tired and I have such pain all over my body. Could you rub my back?"

After getting no response, he added, "Go on, Harry, I won't bite."

The man cracked his knuckles and began lightly stroking down Draco's flank, increasing the pressure a little on each stroke.

"Ooh, Harry. You've never done it that way before." Draco practically purred. The hands wandered authoritatively over Draco's back, shoulders, and down into his hips and buttocks. Draco's purrs got louder.

"Ohh, great Merlin..." a voice not belonging to Harry said.

Draco spun around and grabbed the shower curtain to cover himself as soon as he realized that, in fact, it was not his husband in the shower but a complete stranger.

"Ah no, why'd you go and cover up like that?" the man asked.

"HARRY!" Draco shrieked in a high pitched bellow.

Harry had been coming back to the room and heard Draco's cries from the hall and rushed in the see what was wrong this time. Draco had the tendency of yelling Harry's name for any and every little thing.

Draco was clinging to the shower curtain, screaming. The water from the shower still streaming over his back.

Harry grabbed both of his arms to get his attention. "Draco!"

Draco's eyes snapped open. "Where the _hell_ have you been?" he demanded. "There was a man in my shower. A big giant man, just standing there, and he was rubbing my back. It felt good. I should have known it wasn't you. He had warts all over him."

"Oh, that's Tom," Harry said in an uncharacteristically nonchalant manner.

"Who's Tom?" Draco asked, agitated.

"He's a ghost."

"He's a _what_?"

"He's a ghost. He kills his husband every night, but other than that, I think he's harmless." Harry explained as he helped Draco out of the tub and wrapped a towel around him. Draco was staring at him as if he was bonkers.

"Get out! Out…out…OUT!" Draco's voice kept getting shriller. He pushed Harry out of the room and slammed the door in his face.

Harry knocked quietly. "Honey, we have to talk."


	9. Odd Occurrences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spooks Come Out to Play

_ Chapter 9 – Odd Occurrences _

The smoke spiraled out of Bill's hair as he flipped through a book on the bed. Fleur lay behind him rubbing his back. "Are you okay, Beel?"

"Do I look okay?" he answered in a tired voice. They were both fully dressed now in jeans and thick, grey sweatshirts to keep the chill out. Next to the bed was an old, distressed nightstand which had a black device sitting on top which looked very similar to a whirligig. A slight breeze started up and the small blades started spinning. Bill looked up at it in interest. As it sped up, he spun his head to look at the PH strips he had hung from the ceilings which would indicate a change in the chemistry of the room, possibly indicating the presence of spirits. In awe, he watched the pink strips quickly turn blue as the wind picked up.

Fleur sat up, alert as Bill jumped up to look closer. "What are you doing?" she asked.

As he grabbed one strip, he turned to look at his monitor and his eyes widened further. "I have to check this place out!" He quickly grabbed his thermal sensor, EMF reader and several other tools he used in his investigations. "Something smells very wrong here," he said, looking around.

Fleur nodded. "Eet does. Eet smells like…burnt rubber." She turned her petite nose up at the air, sniffing.

At the door, Bill turned back. "No, that's just me." He quickly opened the door and left.

\---

In the kid's room, all three children were on the floor watching an old black and white television with bad reception. It was an old episode of Jerry Springer talking about badly behaved children.

"I'm so bored," Dominque complained. She was lying on her stomach, head propped by her hands staring at the screen.

"I know. They don't have cable or satellite!" Victoire said. She was on her side twirling her hair in her fingers.

Louis was sitting with an old book in his lap. He abruptly lobbed it across the room. "Why do they only have four channels!" They cringed as the realized the book was heading right for the screen, but instead of breaking it, they were gobsmacked as the book went through it. It actually crossed the screen and the re-run of Jerry caught the book mid-air and turned to glare at them. The audience began to boo.

The kids screamed and backed away from the television. Suddenly, the furniture began to shake, the windows blew open and slammed shut again and the chandelier began to rattle.

"You horrible, horrible children." Jerry said. "I think we should throw the book at them. What do you say, audience?" "THROW IT! AWFUL KIDS! WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS?!" The audience yelled at the children. Jerry then threw the book back at them which just missed Victoire's head as it sailed passed.

They went screaming out the door and ran down to the Great Hall.

Jerry then turned to the audience and closed with his usual, "Until next time. Take care of yourself and each other." And the television winked off.

\---

Bill began to take readings through various corridors, surprised at the high levels he was seeing in the EMF reader.

"Ooh, little ickle guestie!!!" a nasal voice called through the corridor making Bill jump. He was trying to figure out where it came from. It didn't sound like any of the guests nor any of the staff he had heard before.

"Hello?" Bill called out. "Is someone there?" He aimed his instruments in the direction he thought it came from. His eyebrows shot up as the readings spiked.

"Why, it's Wee Willy Weasley!" The voice swooped overhead, but Bill saw nothing.

"Who's that?! Who's there?" Bill yelled while frantically recording information. "Come out and show yourself!"

"Oooh, Cynic feeling cranky? Hearing voices? Seeing visions?" the voice taunted him.

"I demand you show yourself!" Bill yelled.

"Okay. If you insist! Don't say Old Peeves didn't give the guestie just what he asked for!" Just then a shadow flew past him again and a large amount of green goop dumped over Bill's head.

The shrieking laughter went the whole way down the hallway before Bill blinked. He wiped some of the fluid off of his eyes and uttered in wonder, "I've _actually_ been slimed. Fantastic!"

\---

Harry was muttering to himself as he wandered the corridors. "Eternity's a big commitment. It's a long time. You gotta know for sure. Take things one step at a time." As he walked past a door, it swung open to reveal an old woman lying in a four poster bed dressed in dark red and gold velvets. He looked in as she spoke to him.

"You do love him, don't you?" she asked in a remarkably familiar tone of joviality.

Taking it in stride, he shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I do. I just…just…"

"What's the problem then?" she asked.

Surprised, Harry shot back, "He's a ghost. Dead. Passed on. He's an ex-person." He stopped for a moment and then asked, "How do you know about this?"

She smiled. "I'm married to one," she stated, looking quite pleased. She edged off the side of the bed and stood up, indicating he should come in. "Won't you join me for a drink?"

Deciding he had nothing to lose, Harry agreed. "Sure, why not? I could use one." He entered the room.

\---

Neville sat by his window, _Bible_ in hand, still not fully dressed, but at least he had his pants, shirt and collar back on. He did however have a bigger problem. Just across the way, he could see into Ginny's room. The lithesome red-head was currently exercising in a surprisingly near naked state with the window open.

"Dear Lord, I beseech you. Aid me in my moment of weakness," he prayed but then looked out again to see her doing a 'downward dog' yoga pose in nothing but her white knickers and bra. He gulped. He turned back and closed his eyes. "Cleanse me of these impure thoughts I have for this woman."  
He crossed himself and prayed fervently.

With his eyes closed, he did not see the spectre of several nuns appear in the room, gliding towards him. After a moment, he opened his eyes to face the appearance of five distinct habits gliding slowly towards him. They had no faces but had red glowing lights where eyes would normally be located. His eyes widened in fear and he wet himself just a little bit. In a shaky voice, he said, "Oh, come on…you're not real. You're not real." Just then, he felt a rush of heat from his groin and looked down to see his crotch emitting smoke. He jumped up as he felt the heat and tried to put it out using his hands. He ended up standing just in front of the open window. "Lord, I get the message!" he screamed as shades rushed him, causing him to fall three stories into a shallow pool just below.

\---

Across the way, Ginny was sure she heard yelling. To be precise, she was sure she heard Brother Neville yelling. She threw on her silk robe and raced out of her room. She rounded the corner to where his room was and knocked on the door. "Brother Neville? Are you alright?" she asked in a concerned voice. The large wooden door opened with a loud creak on the first knock. She poked her head in to look around but didn't see him in there. She walked in a little further in case he was behind one of the odd crevasses in the room. "Brother Neville?"

She saw a window that was open and noticed the stone window seat was emitting smoke. She looked to see what was causing it. The stone seat was very hot to the touch. She turned back just in time to see a horde of nun-like creatures running at her. Screaming, she leapt back and fell out of the window and plummeted into the pool.

Neville swam over to her and picked her up bridal style to get out of the water. Her wet robe clung tightly to her, except the front had loosened, uncovering her left breast. She didn't seem to notice it in her stunned state. As she began to recover, she asked, "Brother Neville, why are you in the pond?"

He gulped as he tried to not look at her exposed breast, or the nipple that was now taut by the chilled water. "The Lord works in mysterious ways," he choked out and carried her towards the entrance. She shivered in his arms. "Um, you may want to cover that," he said as he turned beet red. She looked down and realized what he meant. With a small smile, she slid the wet cloth back over herself, not that it did much to hide her assets.

\---

As she'd finished her sherry that evening, Sybill Trelawney thought she's pass the mundane time away reading a book since there were no apparitions or supernatural occurrences going to happen. She clearly foresaw another boring evening ahead. She had forgotten to pack a book, but noticed a small library not far away so she went to borrow something.

It was a small room, but it was lined with wood shelves crammed with old leather-bound books. There was a small wooden table in the center with two wooden chairs and a tatty old leather chair in the corner. The stain-glassed windows displayed the figures of the four Founders that Hagrid had mentioned on the ride in. Their names were clearly labeled underneath their image. The dying sunlight created odd colors that were filtered throughout the room.

Squinting at one of the dusty shelves, she started peering at the titles, hoping to find something of interest.

There were the usual books expected from a place that used to be a school.

> _An Anthology of Eighteenth Century Charms  
>  Guide to Advanced Transfiguration  
> Spellman's Syllabary  
> The Standard Book of Spells_

There were the usual best sellers in the Wizarding World:

>  _The Collected Works of Gilderoy Lockhart_ (of which Sybill had two complete, autographed sets, thank you very much!)  
>  _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them  
>  Men Who Love Dragons Too Much  
> The Tales of Beedle the Bard _

And then a few she'd never heard of:

>  _Of Man and Mice – An Animagus Tale Or Why I Chose to Spend My Life as a Rodent_ by Peter Pettigrew  
>  _The Witch with a Cauldron Tattoo_ by Bella LeStrange  
>  _Are You There Merlin, It's Me, Mundungus_ by M. Fletcher  
>  _I Was a Teenage Werewolf_ by RJ Lupin  
>  _Grim's Hairy Tails_ by Sirius Black 

She pulled out the last book in curiosity. As she opened it, a face popped out of the center, shrieking at her. She was so startled, she stepped backward and tripped on a loose stone in the floor. The book dropped from her hand as she hit her head on the edge of the table and fell to the floor. She thought she heard voices laughing as she blacked out.

The colored glass figures in the window began laughing. The taller of two male figures shouted, "Nice job, Oliver!!" The face in the book laughed uproariously in agreement and then shut the book on himself. The man then turned to the second male figure. "Godric, I believe you owe me!" he said, and held his hand out expectantly.

"Figures, Salazar. I didn't think the daft woman would startle so easily. I mean, she does this for a living, doesn't she?" The other man seemed disgusted at the unconscious woman but reached into a pocket and handed over a stained glass knut.

"Thank you!" Salazar acknowledged and pocketed it.

"It's not worth anything you know," Godric laughed.

"I know. It's the principle of the thing." Salazar had a stupid grin on his face.

"You have principles? That would be first!" Godric laughed. Salazar smacked his shoulder. Both men seemed amused with themselves. Both women rolled their eyes and shook their heads.

The stockier of the two women peered down. "She's still breathing and I don't see any blood, so I think she'll be okay."

The other woman huffed, "Thank Merlin for small favors, Helga. I didn't find the thought of spending eternity with her in this library particularly pleasing. You lot are bad enough."

"Ah, Rowena. You break my heart," Salazar said, patting his heart with both hands in mock anguish.

\---

Harry sat in the overly ornate room on a plush chair covered in old furs. Kendra introduced herself and handed him a small glass of sherry before she sat down.

"True love can move mountains," she said with conviction.

"That may be true, but it can't bring the dead back to life," Harry stated unequivocally.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yes it can, dear boy." Seeing his look of disbelief, she continued, "On All Hallow's Eve it can."

"Halloween?" he asked. "That's tomorrow night."

"Yes." She winked at him. "It's when the spirit moves and the flesh is willing," Harry grinned at her mischievous smile. "…and the juices flow and the skelping is mighty…"

"Okay, Okay – enough," Harry stopped her with a hand up to emphasize the request. The thought of her juices flowing turned his stomach a bit. "Um…What's skelping?" he asked to distract her.

She stopped mid-lecherous thought. "It's a ghost term." She suddenly turned serious and faced him. "It is dangerous," she warned in an ominous tone. "You mustn't go too far."

"What do you mean?"

She waved her hand, and a book floated from the case. The pages flipped quickly, obviously turning to a particular section of the book before landing in Harry's lap. As it landed, Harry turned to look at the cover. It was _'Hogwarts: A History.'_ Opening it up again, he noticed the section was called "The Book of High Spirits."


	10. Spectre Amore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spooky Little Boys Like You

_ Chapter 10 – Spectre Amore _

Albus bounded down the steps to the Great Hall to see most of the guests had gathered there. They seemed engrossed in animated conversations. He was now wearing bright green robes adorned with musical notes that slowly changed positions. One musical note glowed white. The faint musical sounds of "Peggy Sue" by Buddy Holly could be heard from it.

Bill had been sitting with his back to the door and turned when he heard the footsteps. "Oh, it's you," he said with a disappointed tone.

"Whom were you expecting?" Albus asked.

"Those fake ghosts you had were one thing, but now you've got something entirely different on your hands," Bill announced. "You've got all kinds of activities going on."

Then everyone else starting talking over each other in an excited babble. Albus looked confused. "Is there something wrong with your accommodations?" he asked.

The ruckus started again with everyone shouting on top of each other in a wound up bunch of gibberish. Bill was pointing as his equipment and yelling, "Ghosts- Real ghosts! How do you explain this?"

Albus looked at the meter disinterestedly. "The weather," he replied.

The only guest not participating was Draco. He sat in his chair getting a good sneer going while everyone ranted. Finally he piped up, "Oh, come off it, will you?" he stood as everyone quieted for a moment. He put his hands in his hips in an aggressive manner. "Don't you understand? He wants us here. He knows it's the only way he'll keep this garbage heap. I don't know about the rest of you, but you, Dumbledore, haven't fooled me at all." With a haughty swing of his head, he turned away from the group and left the room.

Neville, who had been standing sheepishly beside him, admitted in a low voice, "I've...I've been fooled." Everyone else nodded in agreement.

Bill showed Neville his equipment. "Explain _this_ to me if it's a hoax. My equipment doesn't lie."

\---  
Draco was wandering the corridor trying to figure out how to get back to his room. The damned staircase had moved again while he was on it, and he seemed to be in another part of the castle. As he walked, he thought he heard Harry's voice. He traced it to one of the rooms.

"Ghosts may not _tup_ with a human. What's 'tup'?" Harry asked himself. "I guess this means ghosts can't have sex with the living?" Draco entered the obviously unused room and overheard Harry. Looking around the corner, Draco saw his husband sitting at a desk and bent over a rather large book.

The door made a squeaking noise, and Harry looked up. "Severus?" he asked as he stood up, book in hand, and looked around.

Draco crossed his arms over his chest. "Who's Severus?"

Flummoxed, Harry stuttered, "Uh…"

"Who is he?" Draco demanded as he walked over and grabbed the book from Harry. He flipped to the cover and read the title. He sniffed in distained.

"He's, uh, a man. A ghost, really," Harry answered.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Harry, don't start this ghost crap again!" Draco threw the book onto the floor.

The tone in his voice obviously irritated Harry as he yelled, "He's someone I care for!"

"What?" Draco asked, incredulously.

"It's weird, really," Harry continued. "I've barely met him and I think I'm falling for him. I think I might…"

"DON'T STAND THERE AND TELL ME YOU ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A _GHOST_!" Draco shouted.

"Well, I am!" Harry yelled back.

Draco threw his arms up in the air and turned away. "That's it! I've had it." Harry began to follow him and Draco turned, "Your lawyer, my lawyer! And I hope your ghost has a lawyer, too!"

 

Just then, the spirit of Severus came through the wall as it had done the previous night. "There, Draco, look! There he is!" Harry pointed excitedly at the spectre.

"Tom, don't be foolish," Severus was saying while looking at the stone arch in the wall. "No, Tom, don't," he said with agitation.

Draco hadn't seen Severus as he had been looking away, but as he looked around, he did see a flash of light appear at the arch and was shocked to see it turn into a man.

Draco mouth gaped open at the sight.

"Aw, my little half-blood prince. Where dya think you're going?" Tom went over to the bed as Harry yelled at Draco, "That's Tom, Thomas Riddle, the ghost!"

"That's the man that was in my tub!" Draco yelled and ran back towards Harry who was following Tom.

Harry went to the far side of the bed and began explaining the sequence of events to Draco. "Now, Tom throws Severus onto the bed, here," pointing to the bed, "and they start struggling."

Draco ignored him and stood at the near side of the bed staring at Tom. "Merlin! That man's gigantic!"

"Get off of me," Severus yelled. Tom pinned him in place.

Harry continued, "So, this is Tom and that's Severus Snape, the ghost, and they're having problems in their relationship."

Draco stared at him in complete astonishment and put his hands on his hips. "No, Harry. _We're_ having problems in _our_ relationship!"

Severus finally clomped Tom on the head and got off the bed to run. Tom followed and so did Harry. "Come, honey, you have to see this." He waved Draco over to him.

Tom got Severus cornered. "Now, Tom begins to hit him and demands to know who the other man is," Harry explained.

"Who was he?! Who'd you sleep with, you prickwhore!" Tom yelled.

"No one! How dare you?!" Severus argued.

Draco blurted out, "Oh, yes there is! My husband!!"

The ghosts ignored him and continued struggling.

"Who is he?!" and Tom backhanded the man.

"There's no one, you wanker!" Severus spat.

Tom grabbed Severus's arm and yanked him hard.

"Why don't I believe you?" Tom said as he pulled a long, narrow wand from his waist. Draco noticed this and ran up to Tom and tried to kick him in the crotch. Draco's leg went right through the spirit. He fell backwards into Harry's arms as he lost his balance.

"Honey, you can't just kick a ghost," Harry explained.

"Did you see that?" Draco asked, pointing at where Tom's ghost had just disappeared from. Looking around, Harry noticed that Severus had also disappeared. "Now look what you did," Harry said and let go of Draco, who promptly fell to the floor.

Harry walked out of the room looking for Severus. He caught up to him in no time.

"Severus, wait!" Severus continued walking away and into the room they had been in earlier when they talked. Severus stopped by the same window seat as before.

Harry stopped as well, and as Severus turned towards him, he blurted, "Severus, I love you."

Severus nodded. "I know."

"You did? How did you know?" Harry asked. Severus walked towards him carefully.

"Legilimency," he answered calmly, as if waiting for a reaction.

"Er..what's that?" Harry asked.

Severus smirked. "It's nothing. It's a ghost thing," he answered, sounding pleased with himself. He stepped into Harry's space and cupped his chin with a ghostly hand. Harry could feel a slight tingle along his jawline. "But your love must be true. It must withstand all obstacles," Severus stated.

"It will," Harry said, quite sure. He could feel it deep within himself.

"How Gryffindor of you," Severus replied. Harry smiled broadly at him.

\----

Back in the room, Draco sat on the floor watching Tom re-enact the moments after he killed Severus even if that ghost was no longer in the room with them.

Tom was on his knees. "Severus? Severus?" he whispered while stroking his hand over the missing ghost's face. "Oh, Merlin…oh Merlin....what have I done?"

Tom then looked up and took notice of Draco for the first time. His tears suddenly stopped and he crawled towards Draco. "That was a dirty trick, wasn't it?" he asked Draco. He crawled on top of the blond who sort of let out a little whimper as the man obviously checked his body out. Tom continued with a wicked grin, "Kicking me right in the bahoogies, that is."

"You were going to curse your husband with your wand, you pig." Draco looked up at the man with a glimmer of anger in his grey eyes.

Tom lowered his face to Draco's. "Ah, sure, that's no big thing. I kill him every night. Although I can think of better things to do with my wand." He waggled his eyebrows and then leaned in towards Draco and began sniffing around his neck.

Draco nervously began to scoot backwards to get away from the approaching spirit. "Oh, and I suppose watching other men's husbands in the bathtub is no big deal either," he said with false bravado. He stood up as soon as he had clearance.

Tom stood up with him and backed Draco against the wall. "Sure, it's a grand thing if the husband happens to be you." He leaned in as if to give Draco a kiss. Draco panted heavily, but then suddenly turned his head and slipped away from the man. "You dirty peeping Tom!" he yelled.

In frustration, Tom answered, "My name's not…", then suddenly toned down with realization. "Oh wait, yes…I guess that is pretty accurate." But then he turned back to the spot on the floor that Severus had died on and dropped to his knees once again.

"God, what have I done?" the man asked again. "What have I done, what have I done, what have I done…"

Draco looked around in confusion as obviously Severus wasn't here. He stepped lightly on the spot that Tom was moaning over.

"Oh God," Tom wailed and Draco stepped around and in front of him. Tom looked up at Draco again, "Oh God!" he said in a completely inappropriate tone for someone mourning. Tom reached out for Draco's leg. "Give me some of that before I go away," Tom said in a lecherous tone. Draco swung his leg to kick again.

Tom backed up, "No, no. Not again!" Tom tilted his head in consideration. "You are a bit of a vixen aren't you, boy?" he said in a bemused tone.

Then he went back to his vignette and began crying all over again. He stood and then backed towards the door. "What have I done? What have I done?"

Draco watched him, confused. Tom looked at him again. "Oh, Merlin. What a man!" Tom winked at him and began disappearing through the wall. Draco blushed beet-red and tussled his hair in a subconscious attempt to flirt.

After he was gone, Draco smoothed down the burgeoning hard-on he was beginning to feel. "You're not so bad yourself," he muttered.

\----

Harry and Severus stood very close to each other, and Harry was feeling quite warm. Trying to distract himself, he asked, "What's skelping?"

Severus arched an eyebrow. "Skelping?" he said in a very low, gravelly tone that sent a shiver through Harry. "Hmmn. I'm better off demonstrating than explaining."

Severus raised his arms on either side of Harry's head and slowly lowered them so his ghostly appendages disappeared into Harry's shoulders. He slid his arms down through Harry's back, on either side of his spine. The sensations were a mix of minty chill and white hot lust rushing through Harry's blood. It felt incredible. His groin immediately tightened. Harry didn't think it could get any better until those hands reached his bum and he felt them pull from the outside in and Severus himself stepped his entire body through Harry's. The touch of the ghostly prick on his own flesh and blood one pushed Harry to his limits. Severus paused for a moment halfway through and sent additional waves of ethereal sparks against his prostate and Harry exploded as Severus came out the other side. Harry dropped to his hands and knees. Never had he experienced anything like that before.

"Bloody hell," Harry said, panting. He had almost blacked out.

He heard Severus ask, "You did not care for it?"

Harry stood shakily and whipped his wand out to wave away the mess. "Oh yes, that was bloody brilliant," he replied with a loopy grin on his face.

Severus gave a slight smile then sat down on the window seat. Harry noticed how much paler Severus seemed. "Severus, are you all right?" It was apparent the apparition was fading away. "You just can't 'skelp' me and leave," Harry said half-jokingly, but he was concerned at Severus's apparent weakness.

"It cannot be helped, Harry. Skelping is very difficult and saps one's energy." Severus said and began to disappear faster.

"Severus," Harry pleaded.

"I'll be in the Chamber tomorrow night. Be there," Severus said before vanishing.

"What's the Chamber?" Harry yelled.

A disembodied voice answered. "The room where you first found me."


	11. Parent and Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Albus's Unexpected Family Reunion

_ Chapter 11 – Parent and Child _

"What's wrong with these guests?" Albus asked the air as he walked out of his office in an inebriated shuffle and headed down towards the Great Hall. Minerva, Poppy, Argus, Filius and Hagrid were entering through another door on the first floor, having just finished up some chores.

"One night they wish to leave and the next, you can't get rid of them. One day they hate the Whiting, the next day they want all five courses. When you break your back trying to give them the ghosts you thought they wanted, they scream at you. And when you throw the towel in, they scream at you even louder." Albus reached a small landing and looked down at his assembled staff. "They see spooks everywhere. Spooks in the bathroom, spooks under the bed." He sounded disgusted. The staff looked sympathetic. "Don't they know when the joke is over?"

Suddenly, Argus grabbed Hagrid's meaty arm in surprise as he gaped at the wall behind Albus. A second later, the rest of the staff widened their eyes in shock as well.

"Can't understand them," Albus finished as he swallowed a big swig of golden liquid from his tumbler. Several blocks of masonry floated past his head from behind him and he almost dropped his glass.

After a stuttered start, he looked around him. "What is going on?"

The blocks floated across the Great Hall slowly, allowing the staff to easily sidestep them as they drifted past.

"Argus? Why are chunks of masonry floating about?" Albus asked, staring incredulously at the scene. Behind him, the wall was beginning to reveal what had been hidden behind those blocks.

Hagrid's mouth gaped open before he managed, "Blimey, who are they?" Decomposing bodies of all states were crawling out of the gaping holes in the walls. Half-rotten skeletons dressed in century old rags were making their way towards Albus.

Poppy fainted. Filius, standing beside her, attempted to stop her fall only to collapse under her. Every else ignored them.

Minerva squinted and then squeaked, "Er…Albus. I believe some people wish to have a word with you." Albus eyes widened in fear. "Who?" he asked in a small voice.

Minerva pointed, "Your grand-uncle Alfinius and um…er your, um, sister, Ariana." Her voice quivered in uncertainty as she saw the figures of several rotting corpses lurching towards her boss.

The ghouls surrounded Albus and he jumped as he saw them out of the corner of his eye. He closed his eyes and shook his head in denial. "No…no….no….no," he repeated.

"And not to mention your…father."

"But he's dead!" Albus shouted in denial.

"I know," Minerva said. "He looks mighty upset, though."

Albus turned and before him stood the pale apparition of his father dressed in his traditional wizarding robes and short cropped hair, so different than his own. His hands were on his hips, and Albus saw the gleam in his eye that had frightened him since he was a child as it meant he was in serious trouble.

"And I have a perfect right to be," his father said in an angry tone.

Percival Dumbledore strode towards Albus rather energetically for a dead man. He was, in fact, in much better shape than the other ghouls, having been dead for less time. Wizard corpses decomposed at a much slower rate due to the half-life of magical energies. It was also why magical creatures such as wizards and witches were more apt to become ghosts more frequently than muggles.

As Percival reached Albus, he continued his tirade, "…considering what you have done to our ancestral home and this once great institution!"

Albus turned and fled in fear. He ran out of the Great Hall and into his office. He attempted to lock the doors. He locked the front door and then the back, but as he turned around, his father was sitting at his desk.

"Did you really think you could get away from me?" his father asked.

"Leave me alone, you're dead!" Albus reminded him.

"Not so dead I can't see what an idiot you've become!"

"Oh, fine. Call me names," Albus shouted defensively, "that's so easy." He walked over to his father's apparition.

"Well, for Merlin's sake, look at you," his father said, disgustedly. "And for Merlin's sake, turn that damned robe off. If I have to hear anymore Buddy Holly or Big Bopper or Richie Valens, I'll…"

"You'll what? Kill yourself? Too late!" Albus yelled even as he reached down to touch the single glowing white musical note on his robes. The touch turned the note as black as the rest of the notes and the music ended. He sighed in the silence.

Looking at his father, he shook his head. "What did you have to give me this place for? You knew I was an incompetent! All I wanted to be was happily useless. You made me miserably useless." Albus moaned and started throwing papers from his desk into the air. "Staff to be managed, guests to keep happy, bills to be paid, and then dying on me, just like that!" Albus voice was getting louder as he threw the papers about.

Albus stopped a moment and then leaned towards his father and said quietly, "Most people give some warning, you know. Premature senility, angina, a case of Dragon-Pox, bed-ridden for years...but not you. Oh, no, no, no. Healthy as a hippogriff, you pop off one day in the orchard. And what then? Not a god-damned word, not a whisper?"

Albus stood up and walked away a little, turning his back on his father, his shoulders drooped in despair. "Did it never occur to you I might need some advice? I… miss you." Albus' eyes watered and he began to sniffle a little.

Percival Dumbledore looked upset at the pain his son was evidently in. "I'm sorry. I never thought..."

"You never did, you old goat," Albus interrupted, "but it's true. I missed you, Daddy."

Moved, his father stood and opened his arms to Albus. "Aww! Give your daddy a hug. "

Albus turned around and approached his father like a nine year old who's just lost his pet crup. He suddenly leaned forward to hug his father and unexpectedly fell through him. Albus landed on the floor with a loud thud.

His father looked down sheepishly. "Oh, sorry, Albus. Forgot I was incorporeal."

Albus lay on the floor, glared up at his father, and then curled up and hiccupped a sad cry.


	12. Stranded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They Ain't Just Whistlin' 'Dixie'

_ Chapter 12 – Stranded _

Filius walked into the dining hall carrying some of the Whiting that was to be that night's dinner. Bill Weasley was talking with Poppy.

"They will be back. It is All Hallow's Eve," Bill said. He patted her arm reassuringly. "Just ignore them if you see anything. Ignore it completely. They're harmless."

Someone began whistling the theme from the _"Andy Griffith Show"_. Filius looked around for the source before he realized it was the fish in his hands. Very calmly, he threw it on the dining room table in front of Bill and Poppy and cut its head off with the cleaver he had been carrying in the other hand.

The now decapitated fish stubbornly refused to stay silent and began whistling again. Both Bill and Poppy stared at the table, mouths gaping open.

Filius looked up at Bill and said, "I don't hear anything, do you?"

Poppy's eyes widened but she shook her head in denial "No, no. I don't hear anything at all. Not a thing. Nope." The whistling continued.

"Don't you just love Whiting?" Filius asked before leaving them and the decapitated fish behind.

\---

Draco was back in his room trying to fend off another headache. Irritated, he headed for the bed and sat on the side as he took a couple of pain pills as the _'Tension Ease'_ was no longer helping him. He sat the water glass down after swallowing the pills and picked up a nail file. He had ripped one of his earlier in the carriage and he wanted to get rid of the jagged edge.

He was dressed unusually casual in designer jeans with a soft, grey angora cardigan and a pastel pink tee-shirt underneath. It was one of Harry's sweaters, but he had been chilled after the earlier events so had borrowed it.

As he sat with his back to the bed, he failed to notice a shape taking form underneath the blankets. He jumped in surprise as a light trickle of fingers traced up his back and he heard, "Oh, sir," in a very soft, come-hither voice.

Draco turned and saw Tom Riddle lying in his bed. He was underneath the sheet, but wore no shirt. His chest and abdomen were well-sculpted. His skin was pale, almost translucent in the light. Draco blinked and then rolled his eyes at the man before standing up. He walked a few feet away and turned back when he heard Tom speak up. "Sir, for you I missed my wedding for the first time in years, that's how much I want you. Sure, I know I'm a ghost and a murderer but forget about all that." Tom grinned his most wicked grin and crooked a finger at Draco.

Without knowing why, Draco approached the side of the bed and watched him curiously.

Tom gave a hint of a mischievious smile. "Tonight's All Hallow's Eve and it's the one night of the year I turn to flesh so... what d'ya say to a wee bit o' skelpin', eh?"

Draco sat down but acted uninterested as he turned his back on his ghostly visitor. Tom sat up behind him. Draco felt an unusual chill as spectral digits trailed down his spine. He shifted away about two feet down the bed. Tom lay back on the bed with a smile, "Come on. At least tell me your name."

Draco ignored him but saw a bright shimmer of light from where Tom was lying. He turned to look and the man seemed to have disappeared, but the sheet was still raised, outlining a decidedly masculine body. Curiosity got the better of him and he lifted the sheet to look under it. Tom _hadn't_ disappeared completely. His bottom half was still quite visible and was unclothed. "Wow!" Draco whispered admiringly.

Tom's voice sounded through the room, "Oh, really? Interested, are ye? I' do have the best bahoogies from here to Ballinderry." He sounded quite confident. "Come on, what do you say? Let's give it a twirl, eh?"

Draco dropped the sheet and continued filing his nail. "Drop dead," he said blandly while trying to hide a small smirk.

The sheet slowly collapsed as Tom faded away. "Ooooh, God, what a man!" Tom said, leaving Draco smiling to himself.

\---

The sun set and darkness was beginning to take over all the corners of the castle and beyond. Harry sat in the tub reading _"Hogwarts: A History"_ while drinking a small glass of white wine. He still had his glasses on so he could read the fine print.

"He who sleeps with the spirit finds only the grave but the virtuous heart, true love will save." He read the words aloud to himself several times.

\---

Other than Harry and Draco, everyone else had gathered in the Great Hall for the evening. They congregated around the bar. They were all nervous and clamoring for drinks. Most were obviously already several glasses in. Hagrid sat next to Bill at the bar and asked, "The ghosts wouldna come into a bar, would they? I mean they don't drink, do they? Being ghosts and all."

"Of course not. They wouldn't drink spirits. That'd be like cannibalism," Ginny laughed at her own joke. A few half-hearted snickers were heard.

Argus eyed her from the other side of Hagrid and asked, "How would she know?"

Filius reached up the bar and grabbed a glass. "I bet the Irish ones do!" he said, grinning at Ginny.

Bill chuckled and then said authoritatively, "It may just be a local disturbance in the extra planetary ether…" He noted the glazed looks on everyone's faces. "Ah…nevermind." He took a large swallow of his ale.

Trelawney sat at the bar nursing her Shirley Temple while holding her head where she had hit it. She hadn't told anyone what had happened.

In an exasperated voice she said, "I do assure you, there are no ghosts here." She took another sip. "Even if there were, they would not come here," she added. "Far too many of the living. The dead do not care to be near the living as it makes them envious for what they do not have: life."

"Is that so?" A deep baritone from her left said.

She nodded. "Yes. The dead are afraid of the living as much as we are afraid of them. Like an elephant that can easily crush a mouse and yet is still afraid."

"And so, are we the mice or the elephant?" Ginny asked.

At the same time that Trelawney said, "Elephant," the baritone said, "Mice."

Everyone turned to look to see who disagreed with the famous psychic. A very tall, pale man no one had seen before was standing there. He was dressed in old fashioned clothing.

"Who are you, sir?" Trelawney asked in an irritated voice.

"My name is Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington. I came to tell you the Headless Hunt is about to begin."

"Headless Hunt?" Argus asked. "Er…what's that?"

"Oh, the decapitated ghosts of the castle like to find new heads for their bodies. They've denied me yet again so I thought I'd come to warn you just to irritate them." He grinned at the group.

At the sudden intake of breath from several of the group, Bill piped in, "Very funny. Apparitions won't harm us. Just ignore them." He had repeated that platitude several times during the course of the evening.

"There are no apparitions!" Trelawney insisted.

Just then the sound of galloping horses started. It sounded far off, but the noise was getting closer. All heads swiveled to stare at the direction it seemed to be coming from.

"Who dya say you were again?" Hagrid asked.

"Sir Nicholas. Although the students used to call me Nearless Headless Nick," he said.

"Nearly headless? What does that mean?" Brother Neville asked.

"Simple. My head was not been severed from my body completely. It's irritating, really. I am not allowed to join the Headless Hunt as I since it's still technically attached. But look – it's only hanging on by a strand of ligaments." With that, he tipped his actual head off his neck towards them as if in greeting. And indeed it was only attached by a few stringy ligaments.

Fleur nearly vomited seeing it but had the presence of mind to cover Dominque's eyes. Several other people made retching sounds as if they too were having difficulty keeping the Whiting down.

Sir Nicholas kept talking "And yet they were the ones that attempted to decapitate me!! Talk about unfair! If they had done the job right, I could have joined them tonight! Instead, I have to settle for petty tricks!"

He turned and surveyed the group. While most of the group were staring at him in horror, Sybill Trelawney was squinting to see what was happening. Sir Nicholas stepped into her line of site and tugged his head sideways this time. She jumped.

"Surprise!" He laughed and then straightened his head. The galloping sound got quite loud, and it was apparent the hunt was closing in. He faced the group. "Here they come. Good luck! I hope they do a better job lopping your head off than they did mine!" He disappeared into thin air.

Several people stood there stroking their throats. A disembodied voice yelled, "Release the dogs!" and the ghostly appearances of several canines burst around the corner. Minerva was the first to break the silence. "RUN!"

The group scattered but no one got far before a group of ten ghostly horses with headless riders came riding through. Luna was the only one that hadn't moved. The group watched in horror as a rider bore down on her, but breathed a sigh of relief as the ghostly image just went through her.

"Luna, are you all right?" asked a shaky Brother Neville.

"Never better. They weren't actual ghosts. Just a memory of the castle likes to replay. The real ghosts are coming, though," she said in a lilting voice, tilting her head to the ceiling.

The voice of Sir Nicholas could be heard laughing.


	13. Search for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is in the Air

_ Chapter 13 – Search for Love _

Harry was setting champagne to chill as Severus approached the room. The ghost watched, amused, as Harry slicked his hair back and nervously adjusted his shirt and then the champagne again. Harry backed up to survey the romantic setting he had created for this special night and leaned against the stone wall. Severus reached through the stone wall and put his hands on Harry's face. Startled, Harry jumped and turned around.

Severus stepped through the wall completely and stopped just short of Harry.

"Good evening," he greeted Harry.

"Hello," Harry answered, looking up at him slightly dreamily. He reached up hesitantly to touch Severus's face. The skin was solid beneath his fingers, if a bit cool. "Oh, Merlin, you're real," Harry said in amazement. He gingerly stroked the side of the man's face. Severus's eyes watched him intently, but he leaned into Harry's slightly calloused hand then kissed his thumb as it brushed lightly over his lips.

Severus took Harry's hand in his and brought it up to his mouth. Very gently, he began to lick and suck each digit gently. Harry was almost frozen is surprise, but it felt good. As Severus reached the pinky and opened his eyes again, Harry stepped up and put his hand behind Severus' head and pulled him down into a kiss.

The touch of lips was tentative to start. Severus's lips were unaccountably soft for as thin as they were. He opened eagerly to Harry as he began to explore Severus's mouth with his tongue. He licked just behind his teeth and then slid out a bit and pulled Severus's top lip away with him, then came in and repeated the same on the bottom lip. Severus responded and began to direct Harry towards the bed, champagne ignored and forgotten. As each kiss deepened, Severus attempted to take control, pushing Harry onto the bed. Harry reached up to grab him for another kiss as Severus bent over him, but they misjudged each other and Harry clonked Severus's nose with his forehead.

"Ow," Harry said. He looked up at Severus sheepishly while rubbing his forehead. "Did I hurt you?" Harry asked, reaching out to Severus's large nose.

Severus took his hand and smirked. "It would take more than that to hurt this nose," he chuckled.

Harry grinned at him and then looked serious a moment. "We haven't gone too far, have we?"

"No, I don't believe this qualifies as too far, Sir Harry," Severus said with a smirk as he backed up a bit. "Although I can see where we very well might. Perhaps we should slow it down." He stood up.

Harry sat up too. "How about some champagne? You know, to celebrate?" He sprung out of bed and went to get the glasses. "And to get our minds off the old _'you know what'_ ," he added, almost too quiet to be heard.

But Severus had heard, kind of. "Off of Tom? Why are you thinking of him?" Severus asked.

"Not _'You Know Who'_." Harry said, "'You know _'what'_." And he waggled his eyebrows at Severus.

"Oh – that. Very mature way of putting it," Severus said.

Harry laughed and popped the cork. With just a little bit of spillage, he began to pour.

"By the way, why is this called 'The Chamber'?" Harry asked as he handed a glass to Severus.

"Originally it was known as the 'Bridal Chamber' as every newly married couple in the family consummated their union in this room."

"Huh? That's odd," Harry remarked.

"Not really. It had to do with adding to the magic of the bonds."

"You said 'originally,'" Harry prompted.

"Ah, well. After the um...incident, with _'You-Know-Who',"_ he said with a smirk, "it became known as the Chamber of Secrets as the family wanted to hide the gory events. Both Tom and I were buried quietly and no one outside the family was ever told. In fact, the school side of the castle was closed as a young girl also died around the same time in one of the bathrooms."

"That's horrible!" Harry said.

"It was a good excuse to close the school. An enormous amount of dark energy was released upon Tom's death."

"Is that why our magic doesn't quite work right?" Harry asked.

"Yes, partially. The amount of excess Dark Magic prevented Light Magic from being performed properly, so the school shut down and the property once again became only the ancestral home of the Dumbledores. The castle itself seemed to decide the students weren't safe. It closed off rooms, shrunk spaces, eliminated some areas altogether. The Great Hall used to be able to fit hundreds of people."

Harry blinked. "The Great Hall. The one still in use?" Severus nodded. "But, it probably wouldn't fit more than fifty people now."

"Yes. Most of the rooms that were still in use shrunk: the library, the baths, the kitchen. Other rooms, like the dorms and the dungeons were closed off entirely. The school portion of the building has almost completely disappeared. The Gryffindor and Ravenclaw Towers became turrets. Even the family side has diminished over the years. It seems to be the only magic Hogwarts allows is its own since my untimely demise."

Both men were silent for a moment.

"Can we now please change the subject? Discussing my death does not put me in a romantic mood."

"Oh, right," Harry said and finished pouring his own glass of champagne. "Perhaps a toast?'

Severus raised his glass to Harry and, in a deep voice, recited, "Drink to me only with thine eyes, and I will pledge with mine; or leave a kiss within a cup, and I'll not ask for wine." They both took a small sip from their glasses.

"Wow. That was beautiful. Who wrote it?"

Severus sighed. "Ben Jonson, the poet."

"Of course, Ben Jonson. Good old Ben. Quite the writer," Harry said, covering his nervousness. "Whenever I hear old Ben's stuff, it just makes me think about _'you know what'_." Harry leaned forward to kiss Severus. He could taste the champagne on Severus' lips, and he swore he felt little effervescent bubbles as well.

Before they got going too far, Harry pushed back. "Sorry, sorry. I'm really sorry," he apologized as he put some space between them.

"Perhaps you'd like to recite some poetry as well?" Severus suggested. Harry stared at him blankly. "As a way to keep our minds off of other things we could be doing," Severus explained.

"Oh...oh yeah." Harry stood, brows furrowed in concentration as he tried to think of anything.   
Severus sat in a chair by the fire waiting to hear what Harry had to say.

In desperation, Harry squared his shoulders, raised his glass and recited the only thing he could remember at that moment.

"There ain't nothing in the world liked a brown eyed girl – er...guy – but that doesn't rhyme.  
Hm...hmn…" Harry shook his head and continued as he slowly inched his way over to Severus. "To make me act so funny, make me spend my money, make me feel real loose, like a long-necked goose. Dah dah...oh, baby that's what I like."

Severus looked at him in disbelief. "Really? You have the whole world of fine poetry at your hands and all you can think of is the Big Bopper?"

"Er...sorry. Maybe you know him? He's dead too." Harry shrugged his shoulders and Severus laughed. "Hey, how come you know his music anyway?" Harry asked.

"Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't hear music. Much as he dislikes other American fads, Albus Dumbledore has a penchant for American sweets and American music from the fifties. I mean, have you heard those obnoxious robes of his?" Severus explained and then he leaned forward to kiss Harry yet again.

\---

"Having fun?" Albus laughed as he almost skipped into the Great Hall to see a group of disheveled, excited guests gathered there.

"Bill and Miss Trelawney have decided to do an investigation of the place," Ginny said as the group watched Bill wander around with odd looking equipment and Miss Trelawney chant Latin and dance in circles.

"Although, not together," Neville added, seeing the disgusted looks Bill kept shooting at the psychic. The group huddled together as the Headless Hunt made another trip through the Great Hall. Bill suggested they look outside, so they headed for the front door.

\---

Severus was lying in the bed, the empty champagne bottle in his hand. "I believe I may be somewhat inebriated," he said, looking up at Harry who had a silly grin on his face.

"That's nothing. I'm plastered," Harry replied as he leaned down to kiss Severus.

After several long moments of tonguing each other, Severus pushed up against Harry. "We mustn't do this," he said.

"Oh, right. We should just be friends," Harry agreed before leaning down and kissing him again. The kisses were getting sloppier and deeper each time. Finally, Harry just lie on top of Severus, and he felt the man's arms reach around and grab onto him tightly. Slowly, they began to grind against each each as Harry kissed Severus neck.

\---

The crowd stumbled down the outside steps that led off a steep hill. Several of them were quite drunk and singing loudly. A few brought the bottles with them. Bill was waving his tool around exclaiming, "It's clear! Move forward!"

Draco had grabbed a hold of Albus' arm to steady himself as he walked down the stairs. Albus winked at him. "I hope you're not too disappointed there are actual ghosts," he said.

Draco grinned broadly. "I'm having the bloody time of my life!"

They were making their way down to the lake. It was pitch black with the exception of a few ever-burning torches charmed to light up at dusk which had been added for safety reasons years before. Neville and Ginny were in the rear of the group and gradually kept slowing down and getting further behind. Neville was aiding her through a deep thicket of weeds when she looked up into the night sky and whispered, "Isn't it beautiful?"

Softly he said, "Yes, but not as beautiful as you." He smiled shyly at her, and she smiled back and took his hand.

They caught up to the rest of the group a few minutes later on the pier which Hagrid had managed to repair the previous day. Bill stood proudly and announced, "I declare this a spirit-free zone!" The group cheered, except for Luna, who was gazing at the water, her blond hair brightly visible in the dark. She was peering off into the distance.

"Except for the Erumpents," she stated. "They are quite peeved tonight."

Everyone ignored her. A nasally voice familiar to Bill Weasley broke in, "Looney, loopy Lovegood! Looney, Luna Lovegood!"

"Oh, shut up, Peeves!" Bill yelled, seemingly annoyed that the poltergeist had just made a mockery of his declaration. The rest of the group looked at him oddly.

\---

Harry was naked, grinding against the still mostly dressed Severus who was grinding back in return. "We…haven't…done…too…much…yet, have…we?" Harry kept asking in between thrusts. Severus nodded in assurance, unable to verbalize much in the haze of lust he was experiencing.

\----

Peeves had disappeared after Bill's admonishment. Draco laughed and began singing "It's Close to Midnight…and something evil's lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight…"

Luna joined in. "You see a sight that almost stops your heart." They laughed and began singing louder. Each guest joined in as they realized what song it was. They began to really laugh as a few folks attempted the zombie dance from "Thriller".

As they all sang and danced, they didn't notice the waterlogged carriage that had originally brought them to the castle was rising out of the lake behind them.

Suddenly, the headlights were turned on, illuminating the crowd and they, en masse, turned to gape at the hovering transport dripping with lake water and plant life.

"Ah no," Bill said, "This cannot be happening."

A throaty voice came from the carriage, "Draco!" Tom Riddle was in the driver's seat, a crazed grin on his face. Draco's eyes widened and he slowly backed away. Tom called out to him again.

The group ran. Neville tried to help Draco and Ginny off the pier.

\---  
"Harry, Harry…we must stop now." Severus had felt his robes slide up and they were skin to skin. Skin within skin, really. He wasn't quite sure how Harry had managed the feat of wandless lubrication and stretching, but they were – _'tupping'_ , to use a quaint turn of phrase. It felt amazing. But he knew they should stop. But he couldn't. Harry didn't seem to hear him either when he managed to whisper, "Harry, stop."

"What?" Harry murmured, apparently lost in sensation as he shifted his hips and found a sweet spot.

Severus felt a particular tightening in his own groin and a rush of blood surged south from his brain. Severus couldn't think clearly anymore. "Nevermind. Keep going. A little to the right, please."

This is not going to end well.

\---

Draco was running as fast as he could away from the bus flying behind him. He could hear Tom laughing and yelling. "Come on. I love thee, Draco. And tonight's Bahogie night! Oh, Draco…I do love thee."

Draco turned right and ended up separated from the rest of the group, running through the darkness and tripping over branches and rocks. Tom followed draco, but the other spirits emerged from the carriage to chase other people.

Sir Nicholas went after Trelawney and lifted her into one of the trees and left her hanging on a branch.

Ginny had tripped and hit her head on the ground. Neville stopped and knelt by her. She seemed fine, but was out cold. He watched in fear as the spirits whipped around the woods. He prayed for their safety. Stroking her hair, he offered himself up. "Please, Lord, save this woman from these demons. If a life must be taken, take mine," he offered solemnly.

Peeves overheard him and snickered. Neville cried a second time, "Take mine!" Peeves picked him up from behind and spun him into the air. Without seeing the poltergeist behind him, Neville began praying even more fervently. "Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…" he began as looked down on Ginny and reached out to her unconscious form. "Goodbye, my love! I shall fear no evil for thou art with me!"

\---  
Luna had stopped by the water just as Moaning Myrtle popped up out of it. "Hurry, hide with me!" Myrtle said. "If I'm with you, the other ghosts won't bother you," she explained.

Luna smiled at her. "Oh, that's nice. It would be nice to see the other ghosts though."

Myrtle made a face. "You really don't want to. The Hufflepuff Friar is a big fat pervert and the Bloody Baron, well, he's just rude. The rest have all found someone to pick on. Come on. I'll show you where the Erumpents are."

Luna eagerly followed.


	14. Young Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of tupping.

_ Chapter 14 – Young Again _

"Merlin, Harry, we shouldn't have done this," Severus said, laying on his side, still panting from the exertion of his first orgasm since his death. Though he had not been sleeping with anyone at the time of his engagement to Tom Riddle, he had been, by no means, a blushing virgin on his wedding night.

Harry was lying on top of him, head crooked in Severus arm, eyes closed, sweat dripping off of him. "Oh, it was very..." he nodded off mid-sentence.

\---

Lost, out in the dark, Draco was trying to get his bearings. He stopped to catch his breath when he thought he had lost the carriage in the last few turns. Suddenly, the carriage reared up and he could hear Tom pleading, "Draco, this isn't a joke anymore. Stop running." Draco ran. The look on Tom's face went from sad to a little angry. "For Merlin's sake, stop boy!"

Draco ran towards the castle.

\---

Harry slowly awoke to feel a hand stroking his hair. He couldn't stop the stupid grin on his face. That had been just amazing. He turned to begin kissing the belly underneath him. He made his way up to Severus' collar bones before he opened his eyes and saw the rotting figure of a living corpse below him. In terror, he tried to jump back, away from the decaying man.

Severus held his hand behind Harry's head, keeping him in place.

"Severus, what happened?" Harry asked.

"I'm rotting, Harry. I've been dead for 50 years. I'm not going to look like a spring snidget." As he spoke, a tooth fell out of his head. They both watched it as it rolled across the floor and came to a stop.

Harry finally leapt up, away from Severus. He was trying to keep his dinner down. He stood naked in the night air and barely felt it. "He who _tups_ with the spirit… _tups_ with the grave," he said, smacking his head in realization.

Severus stood up and stumbled towards him. Even the man's robes were rotting. "Harry. Harry, forgive me," he pleaded and advanced towards him.

"Severus?" Harry kept backing away and finally ran out of the room and down towards the Great Hall, still in nothing. Feeling the chill finally, he grabbed a small, dark red tablecloth with gold fringe as he ran past, knocking all the items off and fumbled to wrap it around his waist.

Severus followed him clumsily down the steps as best he could on disintegrating bones. "Harry, tell me you love me. Make this right."

"But...you're not Severus. You're a corpse!" Harry argued. Harry knew he was panicking but dammit, he was a coward. Severus had been wrong. There was no Gryffindor bravery in him.

\---

Tom Riddle, still in the resurrected carriage, chased Draco all the way to the castle but realized too late that he was going to run into it. The carriage slammed into the wall, forcing Tom through the second story window and across the Great Hall right into Harry, slamming him against the wall, pinning him to it.

"Hi, Tom!" Harry squeaked in surprise.

"Where's the husband?" Tom asked him intently.

Harry pointed towards the stairs where Severus was lumbering along. Tom moved up the stairs as Harry ran down.

Tom looked at the decomposing Severus and turned back to Harry. "Not mine, you dolt. Yours!"

Just then, Draco burst through the front door and into the Great Hall screaming, "HARRY! HARRY!"

Harry ran to him. "Draco, Draco – don't get so excited. I think I know what you saw."

Tom Riddle came running down the stairs and grabbed Draco around the waist and spun him and began kissing his neck. Severus finally made it the entire way down and collapsed on the floor near them. Tom spun Draco so hard, he slipped out of Tom's arms and landed next to Severus.

Upon seeing Severus, Tom backed up. "Hiya, Severus. Um, we're just playing around, you know," he said by way of explanation to his spouse. Severus glared up at him.

Draco looked with disgust at Severus and then back at his own husband. "Harry? You threw me over for this? This... ugh!" Severus crawled towards Draco and the blond man shot up and stalked towards Harry. "I mean, I know you like passive men, Harry, but he's half dead. I hope he has a great personality because this hurts," he yelled, pointing a finger at Severus. Behind them, Severus stood up, wobbling.

Tom grabbed the blond's arm as Draco was yelling and pulled him away. Harry shot back, "He said he loved me, which is a lot more than you've ever done, Draco." He turned as a decaying Severus fell into his arms.

Tom's eyes widened in anger and now he pulled away from Draco. "You love him!?" he yelled at Severus. "Ya cheatin' scum. I'll kill you!" Severus glared at him some more while holding desperately onto Harry. Draco grabbed Tom's coat lapels to keep him from moving.

"Nononononono…" Draco cried. "He looks dead enough already. Please, don't start that again." Draco was hugging him now, trying to restrain him.

Tom turned to the man in his arms. "Ah, Draco." He lifted the finely sculpted face up and gazed into Draco's grey eyes. He bent down to kiss him, but before his lips touched, he said, "Harry, your husband is some man," in an admiring tone.

Harry looked at the rotting corpse in his own arms and replied, "So is yours," less than enthusiastically. He looked over to see Draco and Tom kissing passionately.

After a moment, Draco broke away and ran over to Harry and Severus. "Um, Harry. I was...uh, just kidding." He looked at Severus and then back at Harry. "You two were made for each other."

Tom swooped Draco away and scampered halfway up the stairs with him. Draco went happily.

Before they got too far, Tom stopped and looked back, "Goodnight, Severus. Sorry for killing you for the last fifty years." And then both Draco and Tom ran up the remaining steps.

Severus finally wearied and sat on a nearby sofa. "Harry, you said you'd love me forever."

Harry ran his hands through his hair. 'I know, I know…it's just, you were so different, then."

"Only on the outside, you imbecile," Severus said. "Inside, I'm still the same.

Harry knelt down beside him, looking sympathetic, and whispered, "I know that looks aren't everything, but it's just that they help so much." Harry whined as he tried to pull himself out of Snape's withering arms.

"Our magical cores are compatible. Do you know how rare that is?"

"You mentioned that before. What is it?"

"It means our magic is in sync. We enhance each other's magical energies. Makes our magic stronger."

"Is that why I fell for you so quickly?" Harry asked. "Because, really, that's not like me."

"It didn't force you to love me, if that's what you're asking. It just makes you more open to it. You chose to love me."

"Oh…" Harry said. He still had a slight look of disgust on his face, but he was unsure whether it was about Severus or his own conflicting emotions.

"Harry, kiss me." Severus said, pulling Harry to him.

Harry tried to back up. "Kiss you? Maybe we should get some moisturizer first, chapstick?" he hesitated, "Or some medical supervision." Harry looked around nervously and gulped, trying not to be disgusted at the thought of touching the decaying flesh.

"There's no time," Severus said, pulling him closer.

\---

Tom chased Draco through the castle in a flirtatious game. At times, he'd be behind Draco. Other times, he got ahead of him. Draco laughed as he tried to figure out where the man had got to.

Tom would yell Draco's name and Draco would follow it. Finally, Draco found Tom sitting in an open window.

"Oh, there you are," Draco said with a smirk.

Tom reached out an arm. "Draco, you do love me, don't you?"

Draco rolled his eyes and smoothed his hands over his chest and groin, "Oh, yes…" he breathed huskily.

\---

Harry licked his lips nervously, but then in a big surge of bravado, he closed his eyes and opened his mouth and let himself be pulled to Severus. At first, it was all he could do not to gag. The feel of the decaying lips, the taste of rotting tongue about made him heave, but within a few moments, the lips turned suppler, the taste, fresher. The kiss lingered on and on and on and Harry began slapping the sofa back in an effort to tell the man that he still needed to breathe even if Severus didn't.

Finally Severus pulled away. "You do love me, don't you, brat?" He stroked his long fingers over Harry's face. "Look at me," he said.

Harry opened his eyes to see the Severus he had fallen for, restored to his darkly stern self.

\---

Tom turned and held out both arms. "Then be with me, Draco. Be with me forever!"

In excitement, Draco agreed. "Anyway you want it!" And he ran towards Tom Riddle' open arms and promptly went right through him and out the fifth story window.

Harry and Severus heard Draco screaming. Harry looked up. "Draco?" Severus disappeared from beneath him. In a panic, Harry stood looking around. "Draco? Severus?!"

He ran outside to where he thought he heard the screams. Just outside the front door, the carriage was in a heap and just past that was the body of his husband. Harry ran. "Draco? Draco?" He fell beside him and checked from any signs of life but there were none. "Oh, Draco…" Harry cried. For all their issues, he had loved the man at one time.

"Oh god, what have I done?" Harry cried. He buried his head in his hands and wept.

The body beside him began to change. The hair became darker and longer. The back became a little wider. It began to move a bit.

"I never meant for this to happen," Harry was mumbling through his tears. Two long hands touched his and pulled them away from his face. When he looked up, Severus was sitting in front of him in Draco's grey cardigan and jeans, which were far too short. Harry's eyes widened.

"Forever, Harry," Severus said simply. Dawn was beginning to break and the two stood together in the pale light. Harry looked around, confused.

He poked Severus' face which earned him an irritated look. Harry half-smiled. "You're alive."

Severus answered him with a kiss.

\---

Inside, Tom was carrying Draco, now in Severus' robes, bridal style into his room. He gazed at Draco adoringly and Draco asked disbelievingly, "What do you mean, I'm dead?"

Tom smiled and sat him gently down on the window seat he had just fallen from. "Take my word for it."

"You're just saying that so you can have your wicked way with me," Draco said with a small smile.

"Draco, if you weren't dead, I couldn't have my wicked way with you," Tom sniggered. "I wasn't Slytherin and the Dark Lord for nothing."

"You could've had your wicked way with me in the shower when I was still alive," Draco said, unconvinced.

"Aye – but that was dark magic that allowed me to touch you as a corporeal being for those few minutes. It would have been grand to make love to you then, but you'd have died shortly afterwards and my powers would have absorbed your energy. I knew from the moment I saw you that once would never be enough," Tom explained.

"This is ridiculous," Draco replied as Tom leaned in and kissed him. They vanished into thin air as the sun's rays came into the room.   
\---

Morning found the rest of the group scattered throughout the woods but relatively unharmed. The ghosts had all disappeared once dawn arrived. The guests all made their way back to the castle now that they could see where they were walking.


	15. Empty Castle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saying goodbye.

_ Chapter 15 – Empty Castle _

Later that morning, Albus led the guests back out the front door. Ginny and Neville were walking arm in arm and were the first ones out. "Brother Neville, you forgot your collar," Albus said as he opened the door to a white van from the village that was waiting for them.

Ginny turned to face Neville, "No, he didn't. He threw it away, didn't you, honey?" she said as she gave him a big kiss, surprising Albus.

Neville grinned at him and shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'm only human."

Bill pulled Albus to the side. "Dumbledore. I can honestly say this has been the worst vacation I have ever had in my life."

"Thank you, Mr. Weasley," Albus replied.

"However," Bill continued, "I'll be recommending Castle Hogwarts as one of the most haunted destinations that can be found. I hope that helps you."

"Thank you. Too kind, too kind," Albus said as they shook hands.

Luna came around and told him the wrackspurts were now mostly gone and that the erumpents had offered to occasionally make an appearance if the kitchen would be so good as to leave out some Whiting Bisque every now and then.

Albus grinned at her and noted that her boss had entered the van without so much as a word. Everyone else that was leaving got in and settled.

As they pulled away, Luna waved and yelled, "So long, and thanks for all the fish!"

\---

From their window, Percival and Kendra Dumbledore watched the guests depart with a sense of satisfaction. They had finally done right by their son.


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness.

_ Epilogue _

The Big Bopper was singing and Harry and Severus were dancing enthusiastically. Well, Severus was dancing, he wasn't quite sure what Harry called the moves he was making. Finally, he grabbed Harry's waist and began to lead him around the room in an energetic tango, whether it suited the music or not.

"I believe I owe you some gratitude, Sir Harry," Severus said as he dipped the man. When Harry looked up at him quizzically, he added, "For deciding to stay here."

"Well, where else am I going to go, right?" Harry said as Severus brought him back up. "By the way, don't call me Sir Harry. It sounds weird," Harry said.

"Perhaps you prefer 'Master'?" Severus said with a smirk. "After all, I now owe you a life debt."

"Hmmn..no, don't think I like that either. Just Harry."

"I'll do my best." Severus said as he spun him around.

"Maybe by the time we're married, you'll be used to it," he said as he snuggled against him.

"Are you proposing, Mr. Potter?" Severus arched an eyebrow at him.

Harry laughed a little. "Well, my husband's hardly dead and it was such a horrible death, maybe we could wait a couple of centuries. It would be hard to explain just yet." Severus smiled at him.

Harry heard a noise and looked around. He saw the ghosts of Tom and Draco waltzing their way into the Great Hall. "Hey, hey, hey..we booked the Great Hall until 12:00!" Harry complained. "We still need a little privacy!"

The couple danced towards them. Draco now wore a more old fashioned velvet suit, matching Tom's. "The _day_ is for the living, Harry. The night is for," Draco spun away from Tom and into Harry's arms, "the dead."

Harry and Draco took a few spins around the dance floor. "How's the corpse?" Draco asked.

"Pretty good," Harry answered. "How's the psycho?"

"Like a baby crup," Draco replied. "So, was the trip worth it, Harry?"

Harry nodded and twirled Draco around. "Yeah. Things are brilliant."

Tom and Severus were dancing together as well.

"You put a bit of flesh on since I last saw you, Severus," Tom said, leading his former spouse.

"Well, I'm not getting killed every night, am I?" Severus answered, archly.

Tom gave him big, watery eyes. "Ah, you know, it hurt me more than it hurt you."

"Yeah, right."

"So, how's the little wizard?" Tom asked with a grin.

"He takes me to the Apothocary and book stores," he said, as if that was all that was needed to keep him happy.

Tom grinned and then made his way back to Draco. "Come here, my Draco."

The blond twirled away from Harry and back into Tom's arms. "My love, my reason for dying," Draco crooned to Tom as they waltzed.

Harry watched them curiously. He turned to Severus and said, "I wonder how he ever learned to dance like that."

"Happiness, Harry. Happiness."

Harry nodded in agreement before dancing again with his new partner.


End file.
